Houston: Day 7

Today hasn't been so great for me, hence the tardiness of my post for the day. I think I'm hitting a bit of the anger phase of this process. I'll spare you all the details but basically I've had no motivation to do anything and I'm just angry at so many things, even just angry at myself at times. Earlier in the day I thought that I just really need to call "my person" who I call when I need encouraging words or a swift kick in the butt spiritually. However, before I called her I realized that she is probably going through the same stuff since she's in the family so I decided not to call her- which made me more angry...this anger phase is really no fun. After some time I decided to give her a call and if anything else we can just be angry together. Well, wouldn't you know it, our amazing God intervened in His perfect time and spoke to her so that she would feel better and in turn share her message to make me feel better. Thank you God for that and for "my person."
The message she shared was really quite simple but I needed to hear it. She basically said that this is still all in God's time so I need to trust in that. He has Gigi holding on for a reason even if we don't see it. It is frustrating and painful for us to wait and wait and have our heart skip a beat everytime we hear the phone ring thinking that its "the call" to let us know she has passed. Its frustrating to not be able to make a plan for our next move or be able to function in our everyday life; however, at this point its just not about us. Everything right now is about Gigi and God's plan for her. God is keeping her here for a reason. Gigi is spending her time in the hospital witnessing to her doctors and nurses either outright or by example. I've heard a story already about a doctor she had been talking to when he was attending to her and how she told him that he needs to meet her Jesus. He said he wasn't a religious person but listened to her. That doctor is no longer assigned to her but he still keeps coming by her room just to observe her and see how the family is handling this situation. Yesterday, or maybe the day before, he just walked up to Wes, gave him a hug, and started to cry. God must be moving in that man's life and it started with Gigi. There's been numerous other stories similar to this one where the medical professionals are just amazed by the family's joy and grace in the midst of the most difficult time of their life. It doesn't seem to be "normal" to them but its normal for the Phillips' who are covered in God's grace. Gigi still has a purpose here on Earth and God isn't finished with her. The doctors said today and yesterday that this day will likely be her last but the Great Physician has other plans. Yes, its difficult for all of us friends and family to be on edge waiting for the news that is inevitable but we just have to keep in mind that God has a plan and a reason and still has perfect timing.

A lot of the kids have been posting notes on facebook in dedication to Gigi. I'm going to post a few so you can see their beautiful words and witness how Gigi has taught them so much in their lives. At the end I'll post Wes' latest update on her that was written at about 1:00 this afternoon. Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

*From Jonathan:
  It's fun to read all the stories and memories that my mom gave to us. Honestly, I don't know too many stories of what life was like for her before she ran into my dad's dorm room the night they met @ Wayland! I know she didn't just fall out of the sky that night, but that's usually where their stories start... My parents have been such great role models to all of their kids, and to the thousands of people they ministered to.
     If I have any regret, it's not getting GiGi & Pops a pinball machine! The story goes that early on there were times that their income was so tight that they saved 50 cents each to play pinball on Friday nights. This was their entertainment budget. It wasn't much, but it was all they had, and they knew it was important to have fun no matter what. It was a life lesson that was understood by all of us kids even though it may have never been directly expressed; to be humble is a virtue that should be rejoiced. To know what humility is can translate into almost any language, and can be expressed in a sympathetic smile or gesture. My mom never asked for much because she always said she had everything she needed. This was odd to me as a child because I could see my friends’ parents who seemed to have so much more. However, if she had a nicer car, she'd find a single mom that needed it more, or if she had a bigger house she would just fill it up with kids that needed a home! I was so sad when Daniel left for the Air Force Academy, but it wasn't very long after that when Jennifer Gail moved in! More recently, they noticed they had too much space and now Dylan is staying in my old bedroom!
      Philanthropy was a term that I hadn't heard of until high school, but it was a concept that I grew up with! I have four famous role models that I turn to for research papers in school for ethics classes, biographies, social responsibility essays and so on... Warren Buffet, Princess  Diana, Mother Teresa, and Andrew Carnegie. My mom & dad are not on the Forbes top 10 list as chairman of a big company like Berkshire Hathaway, nor are they royalty, nor has either taken an oath of poverty and celibacy, & nor will either become a steel tycoon! However, like Buffet, I would venture to guess that my parents have & will continue to give over half their wealth to charities, I bet my parents would kiss a person dying of aids like Princess Diana, I know my parents have seen Christ in the homeless like Mother Teresa, and I can guarantee that my parents have lived by Carnegie's words that "A man who dies rich, lived poor."
     Growing up in the Phillips home was never dull! This past week was very somber at points, but it was fun to have all of us together again! With so many kids who are now all married & have so many kids, it's very hard for all of us to get together! Mom loved crazy vacations that forced us to enjoy each other! One time we took a road trip from El Paso to Niagara Falls! (When I'm older Kate will think this is where Kim & my stories always seem to start...) Christmas is always an event that can take as much as 6-8 hours just to open all of the presents! One of Kim's favorite things to do is to make me call my mom! She just loves the way we interact over the phone, joking, talking, laughing, and it can go on for a long time if we let it! I am truly blessed.
     I'm selfishly sad that this has to happen now. It seems like Pops is too young to have to go through this. I'm sorry for my baby Kate that she won't really remember her GiGi! I am going to miss Mom's simple wisdom to just trust God & always cherish family. She truly is the glue that keeps us together, and now she's just not there to do that anymore. I know there will become a new normal, but I'm crushed... broken.
     One last thing that I also picked up from Mom... I chose to get married before I graduated college because I was following my heart. "Sometimes the wise thing and the right thing are not the same thing, but ask God and follow your heart," she would say. Well anyways, we've been married for 3 years now and I've worked @ least one full time job everyday and found time for school and a family. One night I was complaining about all of it to my mom and I think this was the best advice she'd ever given to me: Life is hard and sometimes unfair. The unfairness you just have to leave in God's hands but it's going to be hard no matter what. It's either going to be hard because you are working hard to make it better for you and your family, or it's going to be hard because you gave up. Choose to make it hard because you're willing to improve yourself; don't let it get hard because you're a quitter! (She probably put it a little bit differently, but that is a lesson that I remember from one of our phone conversations that Kim puts me up to!)

*From Jennifer Gail, Gigi's "adopted" daughter who is just as much of a daughter and sister as Nicole & Jennifer. (She also helps make for a good story when we say Jonathan has 2 sisters named Jennifer!) She is one of the greatest people I know:

I'm selfish.  I was thinking this morning and I realized...I'm selfish.  I want her here...I want her here for big Christmas, for big laughs, and for how big the joy she brings me is.   Because she couldn't ever see anything with a butterfly on it and not think of me and most times buy it for me.  Because she called me her daughter even when I was so unlovable...she called me her daughter and meant it with everything in her.  Because there was never a problem that she couldn't solve.  I didn't always like her solutions because they lovingly brought me out of my comfort zone and selfishness.  She grew me with as much pure love as one person can display toward another.  I just want her here.  But as I was telling my Jesus this morning how thankful I am to Him for allowing me to have her in my life I realized....she's going to Heaven today! I hope she gets to meet my mom.  I don't know if that's possible up there but I want to believe it is.  I hope my mom gets to thank her and give her a hug for stepping in the gap. Her brother will be there, her grandpa and she'll get to see the countless number of lives she has her fingerprints all over.  And there will be beauty and love and unbelievable rejoicing but what excites me the most is that...she gets to meet her Jesus today!  And that makes me weep...it is so unbelievably beautiful to me.  She's going home y'all and I miss her already and the tears wont stop coming (sometimes mixed with laughter) but I ONLY grieve for us.  For those who will do this life without her...because my GiGi is going home and He's waiting for her with open arms and a big smile on His face ready to say...Well done my good and faithful servant.

*From Kenta: Nicole's husband

 as everyone knows I'm not big on words, but now is the time for you to know what I thought about my Goofy Granny.  A long time ago (10 yrs) I started to become a part of yours and Pops' family.  As I started to get to know you then came your nickname GiGi because you were the goofiest granny I have ever met.  You have shown everyone around you including me how to be kind and open your heart to others.  My kids, your grandchildren will miss you dearly because you have loved them from day one. I remember playing mexican train as a big family.  Those were one of my fav moments of being in this family.  There are sooooo many more to name but the best one of all is the letters at Christmas time. We all joke around with one another but deep down we all care for one another and would do anything on a drop of a dime.  You have taught us to love eachother no matter what the situation or consequence.  Malachi, Kiana, Nevaeh, and Marcus will miss you sooo much.  As they sleep tonight they would have asked about you time and time again.  I know one of your favorite poems is Footprints:
Footprints in the Sand - Poem
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
-Mary Stevenson)
I know you will walk with us always, be with us, and watch over us day by day to keep us safe until it is time for us to see you in heaven.  You have touched many many lives in the past, now it is time to be rewarded for you have served the Lord as he wanted you to.  I love you GiGi and one day I will see you again.

*From Angie: An example that Wes & Gigi have passed on, in my opinion, one of their best traits- taking in kids who need a home and making them family. Nicole & Kenta have taken in Angie to their home and she's now one of us. She is one of the greatest kids I know, I say kid but she's 18 years old. Her story is amazing and I'll probably end up dedicating a whole post to her one day. She's awesome.

I had met the Phillips family about a year ago and they were just another family in my church. But this one goofy lady would always make sure how I was doing, if i was having a good day and if I wasn't she would always make sure she'd crack a joke to make me smile at least once that day. Little did she know... she wasn't always the greatest joke teller. Her smile was just so beautiful and contagious it was impossible to see her smile and not smile back. I had moved to Kansas from October to December. When I came back I was having a lot of problems Gigi would always tell me "God is good all the time! And all the time God is good!" I'm not gonna lie sometimes it would irritate me hearing that, but now more than ever I understand what she was trying to say. No matter what happens no matter what changes. God is in control. He never wants to hurt his children, he only wants the best for us. I am no longer scared for what tomorrow brings me. I am no longer worried if tomorrow is to be my last day, then by all means I better make today a good day and smile more and more.
Anywho, back to this marvelous woman... Christmas came around and we were at the church Christmas Eve, I was having a horrible day and she came up to me gave me a hug and I felt so relaxed. She invited me to her family dinner and to celebrate the next day. At first I really didn't want to go thinking it would be awkward with a family I didn't really know very well, but as soon as I got there I was welcomed by everyone with open arms. They started passing around presents and I heard my name. I was in complete shock, I didn't think I was getting any presents. I didn't even know they would get me presents. One after another started to pile on and I was like a little girl in a candy store. I don't remember the last time I have ever had that many presents for Christmas. We started to open presents up and the one present I will not forget is a Christmas tree and a Polarbear salt and pepper shaker. Gigi pullled me aside and told me that, it was something for me to treasure as the first of many Christmas memories with a family that loves me and cares for me. I have held onto that memory since that day. I tried really hard to not cry when she told me that, but now I'm crying like a little girl. From that day on she would always tell me and get mad at me if I didn't call her Gigi. I knew that only her children and grandchildren called her that so it meant so much for me to be allowed to call her that.
For those of you who are still reading this, and are incredibly confused... Gigi is suffering from failed liver. Her liver has gone completely bad that she is throwing up so much blood she is losing so much strength and nutrients to survive. Doctors have now said she will not make it past this day.
She is a caring woman, she always put herself before others. The first day she started throwing up blood her main concern was for the Kenta's and Kiana's birthday cake to get the party in time! Lol crazy Gigi.
It sadens me to know I'll never get to hear her laugh or see her contagious smile anymore but I am so happy to know she is resting in heaven with our father. She has gotten their greatest gift ever is to spend eternity with our God almighty. Always remember, you don't know what is in store for you tomorrow... Enjoy today, live for God and his perfect will. Serve his perfect word. And just as Gigi enjoyed every single day of her life, so will you. I love you so much Gigi and I can't wait until the day I get to join you with our heavenly father.

*The latest update from Wes:

Cindy continues to be a marvel, medically and otherwise. They have disconnected her from everything but pain killers, and her blood pressure is low, but barely out of the normal range. If things hold up for the next few hours, we would like to get Cindy back to El Paso by air ambulance if possible. There are some obstacles to getting this done, but we will work to make it happen. If this is not possible, then she will probably enter hospice care in a facility here. We continue to ride the roller coaster of right now it looks one way, and the next moment it is completely different. Thanks to all of you and especially to Amy, Jeff, Tami and Nicole for helping me last night. I have had two days and two nights and am well into the third day of not leaving the hospital at all, and rest is hard to come by. Thank you for your posts, we have quite a number of them that we should be able to share with Cindy shortly. She is such a flirt with the doctors and still has an amazing sense of humor. Some of the funniest moments of my life have happened this past week, and I continue to be amazed at how good God has been to allow me to have Cindy as my companion. In the midst of this, there has been considerable ministry to qualified, recognized doctors, many of which are leading in their fields. We have seen that God can use even desperate circumstances to extend the reach and the impact of one life focused on Him. We say this every post, but Thank you! You don't have any idea how much of our burden you have carried for us. I am so humbled by the graciousness and love that we have received from our friends.

***Update: 10:30 pm:

We are catching up from a busy day of conversations with different doctors, specialists, social workers, etc. Our original plan had been to try to get Cindy back to El Paso, but we have now settled on moving her to Houston Hospice on Holcombe in the morning. This too, has been a journey of twists and turns that would make a good t.v. mini-series, but in the end, we came to the decision that we feel is best. We do not have a time-line at this point, but we rest assured that this will afford the greatest amount of encouragement and comfort for Cindy. I have been here for three days, soon three nights with a somewhat demanding schedule, limited sleep, emotional decisions and huge blocks of waiting-- but the food has been good and the company outstanding. We have had chances to share the gospel in a variety of ways with patients and their families as well as the medical staff. Beverly Terrell made quite an effort today to come and see Cindy, that may not mean anything to some of you, but others will understand the significance. Cindy was so overwhelmed and their reunion must be a taste of what heaven will be like. What a blessing, not only for them, but for all of us who were allowed to see it. Thank you again for the notes of encouragement, for the effort to provide for our every need and the unceasing prayer that surrounds us. We are walking one of the most privileged roads a person can walk. I know there will be many hard days to come, but at this point, our path is more blessed that you would suspect. It is perhaps confusing to understand, but we are filled with buckets of tears and buckets of joy at the same time.
This is a path I would have never chosen, expected or volunteered for, but it is a path I am grateful for and blessed to walk. I know I have only a taste of what the apostle Paul understood and felt, but here is another scripture that those who know me well will recognize as one of my favorites:
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3:7-14(italics mine)

Tucked away in the middle of this passage are three things Paul personally recognized would help him acheive his goal--they are:  to know Him, the power of His resurrection, and the chance to share in suffering.
This is one of the lessons we are learning through this experience.  Thank you for being part of our journey and for your continued interest in us.  We are surrounded by the love of God and the love of God's family.