Today Jonathan had his surgery to repair the broken bones in his skull and face. Everything went great, couldn't have gone better. We were told that the procedure would last two to two & a half hours; however, it ended up lasting about five and a half. The waiting was agonizing but I just kept telling myself that this whole process is teaching me patience so I tried to be patient.
Going into the surgery, even last night, I had a really great peace about it all. The doctor explained everything in detail and reassured us that this was not a dangerous surgery. I felt confident because I really understood all that they were going to do; however, I also felt confident because I knew that God was in control. Jonathan was still afraid that something might go wrong or that his heart would act up since it has had problems in the past. I just knew that nothing like that was going to happen. God has been speaking to me in different ways in the last few months and weeks so I knew that if He was getting me prepared for certain things and setting up for that then He wouldn't be calling my husband home. (I'll explain this more later- that's another story for a different day) I also give credit to my feelings of peace for the, literally, hundreds of people that I knew were praying for Jonathan and I. For those of you who said a prayer for peace, I truly thank you. Your prayers definitely worked and helped me get through this trying time. Because I had peace I was also able to help put Jonathan a little more at ease last night as we were trying to get some sleep. He was still a little nervous, and understandably so, but it at least helped build his confidence a bit.
The details of the surgery itself are a little confusing unless I explain it all and show pictures. But, basically, where the skull fracture was is on the outermost wall of the skull but there was also one behind the empty sinus cavity in the forehead area and that fracture in the innermost wall, close to the brain, was going to be a last minute decision as to whether or not it needed to be repaired. If it had to be repaired they would have to touch the brain a little and it makes the surgery a little more risky. By the grace of God, they didn't have to do that part of the repair. Once they were in there the fracture wasn't as bad and they saw that it was going to be able to heal on its own. The doctor was also going to have to fix some things in the sinus cavity that I mentioned before; however, when he got in there it also wasn't as bad as expected and he didn't have to do as extensive things as he was planning. The thing made the surgery take longer then planned was fixing the broken bones around the eye. Apparently the bones were in a lot of tiny little pieces so it took a while to put them all back together. The thing they were concerned about going in to the surgery is that once they started to move one of the bones they would all start to move. Fortunately, that didn't happen either. So really everything that could have gone well did go well. I'm so grateful for the doctor and, moreover, for God working through the doctor.
Since the inner skull part of the procedure didn't have to be done Jonathan didn't have to stay in ICU as expected he would. We are now back in his normal room and he is getting a lot of rest...and a lot of morphine! He looks so great. I thought he would have swelling around his eye and be heavily bandaged. His eyes look just like they did before the accident, just a little bruised. The cuts on his face look significantly better. I'm not sure how they are sealed but he doesn't have visible stitches. I know that his head is completely shaved "Mr. Clean" style but right now its covered in head dressings. His nose also has a little splint on it. He just looks so great. He didn't get his "Brad Pitt face transplant" like he joked he was going to do but that's ok, I don't care for Brad much anyway!
We will be here for a few more days depending on how he does, the doctor hopes to get us out of here over the weekend. Please continue to keep us in your prayers for a good, quick, and safe recovery. I feel like we are on our way up now and out of the real danger but I realize that there are still things that could go wrong in the recovery time. I truly, truly thank each and every one of you for your prayers and words of encouragement. God certainly heard each prayer and granted it.
I ask that you also keep another guy, Alex, in your prayers. His girlfriend was a good friend of mine in elementary and high school. He was injured in a motorcycle accident as well at the end of last week. From my knowledge he is still in ICU and has more serious injuries than Jonathan had. They have 2 young children so I'm sure this is difficult for them as a family.
All I can really say after today is Gigi's old saying, "God is good all the time, all the time God is good." Thank you, Gigi, for looking over your son today.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Times Keep Changing
Well, there hasn't been much going on in our lives in the last few weeks so Jonathan decided to seek out a new adventure. (I hope you sense the sarcasm here!)
Saturday night, the 14th, Jonathan was trying to ride Kenta's motorcycle. (For those of you who don't know Kenta is our brother in law. Nicole's husband) From what I hear he was trying to figure out the gears on the bike and without realizing it he made the bike take off & he ran in to Wes' brick mailbox. It was obvious very quickly that Jonathan had a concussion as well as a huge bleeding gash in his forehead. We rushed to the Emergency Room at a clinic close to Wes' house. (Props to Nicole on her great "Fast & the Furious" driving!) By the time we got there it looked like things were getting more serious than we had anticipated. Jonathan had a lot of memory loss & was being very repetitive. Fortunately, Jonathan never lost conciousness or had any seizures like he's had in past traumatic situations. We rode an ambulance to a hospital with a trauma center, Del Sol. Once we were there we were in the ER until they figured out more or less what was going on. We figured out that he had broken his nose, got a fracture in the front of his skull, broke the bones around his left eye, has a few fractures in the cheek area, and he had a small brain bleed that wasn't too serious. He also has a very large gash, or laceration to use the technical term, on his forehead just above his eyebrow, a little one on his eyelid, and another under his eye. The left side of his face is where all the damage is. The right side is completely normal without scratches or anything. He has no brain damage but we will still be working with a neuro doctor since the fracture is so close to the brain.
Late Saturday night, which I guess was really close to 3 or 4 am Sunday, we were moved into ICU at Del Sol. Any time there is head trauma it is protocol to send the patient to ICU. His injuries were not life threatening but they had to monitor him just in case. It was scary seeing him all bandaged and hooked up to machines but he did great. He stayed stable throughout the night but he was in a lot of pain. The most emotional part of Saturday was that part of his memory loss included not remembering that his mom had passed away. He kept asking for her and asking if she was on her way up to the hospital. It was really difficult having to tell him that his mom was dead and trying to explain why she couldn't go to the hospital. Every time we had to tell him that his mom was dead it was like he was hearing the news for the first time. He would get really emotional and ask all sorts of questions about her death. It was all absolutely heartbreaking. He also kept getting really scared thinking that he had hurt someone in the accident. Wes took a little while to get there so Jonathan kept asking if Wes had been killed too. There was just so many emotions that first night.
An encouraging part of Saturday was the immediate response of his friends that came to be by his side. Jonathan has a group of friends who were all his best friends in high school; they don't always get to be together now and they go through periods of time without talking much because life is busy but when any of them need each other they are there. His best friend, Watson, was at the ER and stayed with me in ICU through the night until 7 am. Another friend, Aaron, was there to lend support and encourage him when emotions ran high. Ever since then others have come to visit and have really helped raise his spirits. He has some great friends who have been an encouragement to both of us.
Sunday was long and tiring and emotional. It was clear that he would need surgery but we had to wait a while to see what the deal was. There's a lot of tiny details that are the particulars of the surgery but basically once they shift the front part of the skull to repair the fracture they are thinking that the other broken bones around the eye may start to shift. All of this stuff overlaps into many different areas of surgeries and different surgeons specialties so at Del Sol it was difficult to get any doctor to agree to be the main guy to do it. After a neuro guy said he'd take the lead he wanted to have an ENT doctor back him up in case the eye stuff did start to shift. At that point Jonathan was prepped for surgery but then got put on hold. After the neuro guy talked with the ENT guy some more they decided that they were in over their heads and wanted to look to transfer Jonathan to a different hospital where other surgeons are more experienced with this type of procedure. They told me they hoped to get a place in El Paso but if not they'd have to look into Dallas, Houston, or maybe Lubbock. This was frustrating to me because its exactly the same thing that happened with Gigi- in fact all of this was so surreal as to what happened with Gigi. (Did I mention that Jonathan's ICU room shared a wall with the room that Gigi was in exactly 3 weeks before?!) Within an hour or so they told us we would be moved to Thomason Hospital here in El Paso. We were ready to be on the move but then they put us on hold again because they said Thomason ICU was full. From there we waited for over 24 hours.
Monday we were just waiting all day to be moved to Thomason, which is now Texas Tech University Medical Center. Now, if you know me then you know I love all things Tech so I felt like I'd be better off in a hospital full of Double T's & Red Raiders. :) I was also told by various friends & family that UMC was a great hospital and the place where we needed to be. I felt confident in the room & was glad to leave Del Sol. Later in the evening around 6 we finally got on the move to UMC. I must preface this with saying from here on until the end of Monday I got pretty irritated with a lot of different things so please excuse me if I sound angry or perhaps a little offensive. When we got to UMC we were put into an ER holding room. The nurses at Del Sol assured us that UMC would be expecting us and they knew our case. When we got there no one seemed to know who we were or anything about the case. I was really nervous & irritated sitting in the ER room for so long because it didn't make sense to me that we went from ICU to an open room only separated by a little sheet. It seemed like things were off in the ER but I tried to trust that everything was going to be ok. Before I left Del Sol I was given the name of a doctor who they said knew our case at UMC. After we had been waiting for a while Jonathan's brother, Daniel, came to check on us. While we were making our way back to the ER room we got lost in the maze of the hospital. I decided to stop and ask a doctor for directions & lo and behold he happened to be the doctor who was the name I was given at Del Sol! Its nice when God gives a little blessing for reassurance. Once he said his name I told him, "Well, you don't have to give me directions because I'm following you. My husband came here to see you." He looked at me like I was a crazy person & didn't know how I knew all that I was saying. Once I explained a little more things started to click & he led the way to Jonathan. That doctor was able to get some things going and give us some explanations as to what was going on. We started to feel much better about what was going on. That doctor also told us there is no more need to be in ICU, that made me feel so much better because it sounds less scary.
Around 10 or 11 we got moved to his room. We were really irritated with little things still and things got worse when we got in the room. He had a roommate in the room which wasn't so bad but he didn't speak English so it was a little awkward. The nurses didn't speak English and some were speaking broken English. By this point we were so emotional that every little thing made us upset. We were then informed that I wouldn't be able to stay with Jonathan overnight. Since he was already emotional and irritated adding this stress wasn't good for him. The maxilofacial doctor came in before I was kicked out and gave us an overview of what was going on. He told us that Jonathan will likely be here for a week. The doctor was also surprised that none of Jonathan's cuts had been fixed or that he hadn't even been cleaned at all. At that point I was angry with Del Sol and UMC. I sadly left Jonathan who was also sad and I had so many angry thoughts in my mind. I tried to remember how graciosly Wes had handled the situation when his spouse was in the same state and when they wouldn't let him stay but I was still upset. I started asking people to pray for a private room so that I could stay and Jonathan would be more at ease.
Tuesday morning I showed up to the room just before 8 when visiting hours began. Jonathan seemed to be sleeping well and I noticed that he was cleaned and that his cuts had been stitched up. Once he woke up he told me he got to brush his teeth. He was really happy about that, he'd been waiting to be able to do that! Different doctors and specialists came into our room within the next few hours to check him out & answer questions. Tuesday went much better than all the other days. Jonathan's spirits were high and he was being taken care of better than he had before. The swelling in his face went down quite a bit. His right eye (the good one) had gotten so swollen on Monday that he could barely open it. He even got to get up and move around some. We walked laps around the unit and were able to sit in the waiting room to visit with family in the afternoon. I was finally starting to feel reassured that we were at the right place. Our main priority during the day was working on getting his own room. We asked anyone we could ask and left it up to prayer. Around 4 pm we got the word that he got to move! It was such a huge relief & blessing. Walking in to the private room was so relieving. We now have a window, a TV to ourselves, and even some room decor. There's a chair that folds out to a bed for me and just so much more space. It will be nice for Jonathan to have sunlight tomorrow and a little more freedom to move arond & stretch out.
We are still waiting for surgery. The Maxillofacial doctor told us it would be first thing Thursday morning and is supposed to come back later this evening to give us more details. This is definitely a scary time but I'm trying to rest in faith. God has blessed us in huge ways already so I'm trusting that He will continue to take care of us.
I will try to post updates as they happen but it will be a little more difficult for me to give updates this time around, as compared to Gigi, since I'm directly involved with all the chaos. Please keep us in your prayers as well as the Phillips family as a whole.
*Update: 11 pm (Mountain Time) We met with the Maxillofacial surgeon a little while ago. He was very thorough and explained everything in detail. He showed us detailed scans to show us exactly what was going on. He gave us details of the surgery and the risks of what may happen if it isn't done. It sounds scary but I know that the surgery is the best option. For me, not having part of it done is out of the question. He took some time to get to know us and shared with us that he is a religious man. He told us that he's always said that he is just the instrument and that God does the real work. Hearing that gave me some peace. Its great how God takes care of us in so many ways. In fact, Jonathan had a heart procedure 5 years ago and the doctor said that operation will actually help Jonathan get through this one; it will help keep him calm and not have overreactive anxiety. Its crazy how God really does work out every little detail of our life and sets up all the plans from Day 1. So we're still a little scared but we have confidence in the surgeon and in God.
Oh, and the doctor is a Texas Tech Alumni. How cool is that?! It makes me feel even better. :)
Saturday night, the 14th, Jonathan was trying to ride Kenta's motorcycle. (For those of you who don't know Kenta is our brother in law. Nicole's husband) From what I hear he was trying to figure out the gears on the bike and without realizing it he made the bike take off & he ran in to Wes' brick mailbox. It was obvious very quickly that Jonathan had a concussion as well as a huge bleeding gash in his forehead. We rushed to the Emergency Room at a clinic close to Wes' house. (Props to Nicole on her great "Fast & the Furious" driving!) By the time we got there it looked like things were getting more serious than we had anticipated. Jonathan had a lot of memory loss & was being very repetitive. Fortunately, Jonathan never lost conciousness or had any seizures like he's had in past traumatic situations. We rode an ambulance to a hospital with a trauma center, Del Sol. Once we were there we were in the ER until they figured out more or less what was going on. We figured out that he had broken his nose, got a fracture in the front of his skull, broke the bones around his left eye, has a few fractures in the cheek area, and he had a small brain bleed that wasn't too serious. He also has a very large gash, or laceration to use the technical term, on his forehead just above his eyebrow, a little one on his eyelid, and another under his eye. The left side of his face is where all the damage is. The right side is completely normal without scratches or anything. He has no brain damage but we will still be working with a neuro doctor since the fracture is so close to the brain.
Late Saturday night, which I guess was really close to 3 or 4 am Sunday, we were moved into ICU at Del Sol. Any time there is head trauma it is protocol to send the patient to ICU. His injuries were not life threatening but they had to monitor him just in case. It was scary seeing him all bandaged and hooked up to machines but he did great. He stayed stable throughout the night but he was in a lot of pain. The most emotional part of Saturday was that part of his memory loss included not remembering that his mom had passed away. He kept asking for her and asking if she was on her way up to the hospital. It was really difficult having to tell him that his mom was dead and trying to explain why she couldn't go to the hospital. Every time we had to tell him that his mom was dead it was like he was hearing the news for the first time. He would get really emotional and ask all sorts of questions about her death. It was all absolutely heartbreaking. He also kept getting really scared thinking that he had hurt someone in the accident. Wes took a little while to get there so Jonathan kept asking if Wes had been killed too. There was just so many emotions that first night.
An encouraging part of Saturday was the immediate response of his friends that came to be by his side. Jonathan has a group of friends who were all his best friends in high school; they don't always get to be together now and they go through periods of time without talking much because life is busy but when any of them need each other they are there. His best friend, Watson, was at the ER and stayed with me in ICU through the night until 7 am. Another friend, Aaron, was there to lend support and encourage him when emotions ran high. Ever since then others have come to visit and have really helped raise his spirits. He has some great friends who have been an encouragement to both of us.
Sunday was long and tiring and emotional. It was clear that he would need surgery but we had to wait a while to see what the deal was. There's a lot of tiny details that are the particulars of the surgery but basically once they shift the front part of the skull to repair the fracture they are thinking that the other broken bones around the eye may start to shift. All of this stuff overlaps into many different areas of surgeries and different surgeons specialties so at Del Sol it was difficult to get any doctor to agree to be the main guy to do it. After a neuro guy said he'd take the lead he wanted to have an ENT doctor back him up in case the eye stuff did start to shift. At that point Jonathan was prepped for surgery but then got put on hold. After the neuro guy talked with the ENT guy some more they decided that they were in over their heads and wanted to look to transfer Jonathan to a different hospital where other surgeons are more experienced with this type of procedure. They told me they hoped to get a place in El Paso but if not they'd have to look into Dallas, Houston, or maybe Lubbock. This was frustrating to me because its exactly the same thing that happened with Gigi- in fact all of this was so surreal as to what happened with Gigi. (Did I mention that Jonathan's ICU room shared a wall with the room that Gigi was in exactly 3 weeks before?!) Within an hour or so they told us we would be moved to Thomason Hospital here in El Paso. We were ready to be on the move but then they put us on hold again because they said Thomason ICU was full. From there we waited for over 24 hours.
Monday we were just waiting all day to be moved to Thomason, which is now Texas Tech University Medical Center. Now, if you know me then you know I love all things Tech so I felt like I'd be better off in a hospital full of Double T's & Red Raiders. :) I was also told by various friends & family that UMC was a great hospital and the place where we needed to be. I felt confident in the room & was glad to leave Del Sol. Later in the evening around 6 we finally got on the move to UMC. I must preface this with saying from here on until the end of Monday I got pretty irritated with a lot of different things so please excuse me if I sound angry or perhaps a little offensive. When we got to UMC we were put into an ER holding room. The nurses at Del Sol assured us that UMC would be expecting us and they knew our case. When we got there no one seemed to know who we were or anything about the case. I was really nervous & irritated sitting in the ER room for so long because it didn't make sense to me that we went from ICU to an open room only separated by a little sheet. It seemed like things were off in the ER but I tried to trust that everything was going to be ok. Before I left Del Sol I was given the name of a doctor who they said knew our case at UMC. After we had been waiting for a while Jonathan's brother, Daniel, came to check on us. While we were making our way back to the ER room we got lost in the maze of the hospital. I decided to stop and ask a doctor for directions & lo and behold he happened to be the doctor who was the name I was given at Del Sol! Its nice when God gives a little blessing for reassurance. Once he said his name I told him, "Well, you don't have to give me directions because I'm following you. My husband came here to see you." He looked at me like I was a crazy person & didn't know how I knew all that I was saying. Once I explained a little more things started to click & he led the way to Jonathan. That doctor was able to get some things going and give us some explanations as to what was going on. We started to feel much better about what was going on. That doctor also told us there is no more need to be in ICU, that made me feel so much better because it sounds less scary.
Around 10 or 11 we got moved to his room. We were really irritated with little things still and things got worse when we got in the room. He had a roommate in the room which wasn't so bad but he didn't speak English so it was a little awkward. The nurses didn't speak English and some were speaking broken English. By this point we were so emotional that every little thing made us upset. We were then informed that I wouldn't be able to stay with Jonathan overnight. Since he was already emotional and irritated adding this stress wasn't good for him. The maxilofacial doctor came in before I was kicked out and gave us an overview of what was going on. He told us that Jonathan will likely be here for a week. The doctor was also surprised that none of Jonathan's cuts had been fixed or that he hadn't even been cleaned at all. At that point I was angry with Del Sol and UMC. I sadly left Jonathan who was also sad and I had so many angry thoughts in my mind. I tried to remember how graciosly Wes had handled the situation when his spouse was in the same state and when they wouldn't let him stay but I was still upset. I started asking people to pray for a private room so that I could stay and Jonathan would be more at ease.
Tuesday morning I showed up to the room just before 8 when visiting hours began. Jonathan seemed to be sleeping well and I noticed that he was cleaned and that his cuts had been stitched up. Once he woke up he told me he got to brush his teeth. He was really happy about that, he'd been waiting to be able to do that! Different doctors and specialists came into our room within the next few hours to check him out & answer questions. Tuesday went much better than all the other days. Jonathan's spirits were high and he was being taken care of better than he had before. The swelling in his face went down quite a bit. His right eye (the good one) had gotten so swollen on Monday that he could barely open it. He even got to get up and move around some. We walked laps around the unit and were able to sit in the waiting room to visit with family in the afternoon. I was finally starting to feel reassured that we were at the right place. Our main priority during the day was working on getting his own room. We asked anyone we could ask and left it up to prayer. Around 4 pm we got the word that he got to move! It was such a huge relief & blessing. Walking in to the private room was so relieving. We now have a window, a TV to ourselves, and even some room decor. There's a chair that folds out to a bed for me and just so much more space. It will be nice for Jonathan to have sunlight tomorrow and a little more freedom to move arond & stretch out.
We are still waiting for surgery. The Maxillofacial doctor told us it would be first thing Thursday morning and is supposed to come back later this evening to give us more details. This is definitely a scary time but I'm trying to rest in faith. God has blessed us in huge ways already so I'm trusting that He will continue to take care of us.
I will try to post updates as they happen but it will be a little more difficult for me to give updates this time around, as compared to Gigi, since I'm directly involved with all the chaos. Please keep us in your prayers as well as the Phillips family as a whole.
*Update: 11 pm (Mountain Time) We met with the Maxillofacial surgeon a little while ago. He was very thorough and explained everything in detail. He showed us detailed scans to show us exactly what was going on. He gave us details of the surgery and the risks of what may happen if it isn't done. It sounds scary but I know that the surgery is the best option. For me, not having part of it done is out of the question. He took some time to get to know us and shared with us that he is a religious man. He told us that he's always said that he is just the instrument and that God does the real work. Hearing that gave me some peace. Its great how God takes care of us in so many ways. In fact, Jonathan had a heart procedure 5 years ago and the doctor said that operation will actually help Jonathan get through this one; it will help keep him calm and not have overreactive anxiety. Its crazy how God really does work out every little detail of our life and sets up all the plans from Day 1. So we're still a little scared but we have confidence in the surgeon and in God.
Oh, and the doctor is a Texas Tech Alumni. How cool is that?! It makes me feel even better. :)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Lessons I've Learned and the Things I've Seen
This whole experience with Gigi has been crazy, eye-opening, life changing, and educational. I want to share some of my thoughts and experiences so that I can remember them and help others learn from them as well. There's been so many crazy things that have happened that I may not even remember them all.
When we got to El Paso on that first day, Easter Sunday, I was immediately reminded of the love that this family gives me and so many others. We are a very close knit family even though it is rare that all of us can really get together at the same place and at the same time. Most of the family was there by the time we got there and there were some people from their church as well. Seeing all of those people so quickly gathered is a sign that so many people love the Phillips family, and especially love the sweet lady who is our matriarch. At that point we were all fearing the worst- that Gigi may be in her last few hours of life. Seeing the sadness and devastation in everyone's eyes was heartbreaking. At the same time I just kept thinking how awesome Gigi is. She is truly a wonderful lady. She is the glue to this big crazy family of ours. The fun things we do are largely in part because of her, the funny stories we have usually include something funny she did (in fact the reason she is Gigi is because it stands for goofy granny. You can count on her to always give us a laugh!), the reason this family is so welcoming to anyone who walks in their door is because of Gigi, I also believe that part of the reason that Wes is such a great pastor is because she is such a great pastor's wife. I could go on but I think you get the main idea.
That night I got to observe an example of a mother's true & unending love for her children. Each of us got some time alone with Gigi and she was able to say things that she wanted to say to us. Jonathan and I were in there for a while and it was one of the sweetest moments I've ever witnessed. I usually see Jonathan as a big tough guy who thinks he can take on the world; he's not afraid to show emotion but this time it was a whole new kind of emotion. I saw him go back to being a sweet little boy who just loves his mom. Gigi said sweet things to him and gave him advice. He listened to her and let her say her peace but he still teased her and had to be silly little Jonathan. Like all mothers and sons they have had their trying times in the past but in that moment all that mattered was the love and respect they had for each other. It really was one of the sweetest moments I've ever been a part of and I hope I can remember it forever.
I also got to witness the real and genuine love of a husband and wife. I have always admired Wes and Gigi's relationship, perhaps mainly because of the many parallels that they had to Jonathan and myself. They met in college, were young, and decided to marry "on love." They didn't have much and had many tough times but it made them stronger and made them who they are today. They were honest and faithful and had enduring love. Its difficult to find a marriage that has lasted over 30 years, much less a marriage that has lasted that long and has been a faithful relationship throughout the time. Wes and Gigi were in a moment that was probably one of the scariest and most unsure times in their relationships and yet they still had a sparkle in their eye when they looked at each other. Wes didn't seem to see a lady covered in tubes and looking sickly, he saw his beautiful bride. As he left she said that he's still her knight in shining armor.
Even when she was in some of the most challenging times of her life, Gigi was still a mom who had to get things done. At one point Wes had to run to the house for some reason and she told him that she had washed Matthew's sheets and they were in the dryer. She was also assuring Jonathan & I that the sheets on our bed were clean. She was thinking about bills that needed to be paid and teaching Wes how to pay them online. She was on Jonathan's case making sure he was getting his work done so he could graduate. The day before, when she first started throwing up the blood, she was riding in the ambulance and talking on her cell phone making sure that Kiana would get her cake for her birthday party. I know that a mom's job never really ends but Gigi was a great example of that. I kept telling her that she was a much better woman than me, if I was in her state I probably wouldn't be thinking about sheets and bills!
The next few days took twists and turns that were crazy. At this point, most of those events have been documented in past blog posts. We ended up going to Houston hoping to get a procedure done that would maybe prolong her life. Once we were there we were so incredibly blessed. We had hotel rooms provided, more food was given to us than we knew what to do with, and a fund set up for people all around to donate money to help us out. We had prayers being said for our family from literally all over the world. Over that week in Houston my blog had been viewed by 10 different countries. I know that we had blesssings that week that I probably didn't even realize. The thing that was most meaningful to me was the bond that our family shared over the week. I've said before that it is so rare that we all get together for an extended period of time. It was sad because of the reason we were there but at the same time it was so fun just being together. We got to laugh and cry together. We got to stay up late telling stories. We got to know each other in new ways. I've said before that Gigi was the glue that held the family together. When all of this started I was afraid that if she died the family would fall apart because the glue would no longer be there. I really feel that this week was a huge blessing in itself because it brought us all together and gave us a new kind of glue. We are now all connected more and in different ways than before.
Throughout the week I got to learn more and more about who Wes & Gigi were. I heard stories I had never heard before and really got to see how many lives they have touched. I had so many different facebook messages and comments on my blog that said things like, "You don't know me but I know your family and they are amazing..." They would go on to tell me how great Wes & Gigi were and that they were praying for us. I also had a lot of messages saying things like, "I've never met Gigi but I wanted to tell you that she is blessing me through her story..." I wish I was able to tell Gigi about that. She would have been so pleased to know that she was still influencing lives- even from a hospital bed.
Touching lives is what Gigi did- when she was healthy and even when she was sick. Wes said in Gigi's funeral yesterday that her spiritual gift was the gift of helps. She definitely was a helper. She couldn't sit by and watch something happen. She wanted to get in the middle of it and help solve the problem or fill a person's need. Her job alone is a job that is so honorable. She was a teacher for special education children who had really challenging health and mental issues. There are a lot of people who look down on kids like that but she saw them as extra special blessings. Those kids weren't just students in her class, they were her kids. This was evident by different parents who I've seen in the past couple days at the viewing and funeral who came to thank her for taking care of their kids throughout the years. Gigi was also touching lives, spiritually, in the hospital. She was witnessing to her doctors, surgeons, nurses, and to family members of other patients. I just can't imagine how many people greeted Gigi in Heaven because of the influence she was on their lives and how many more she will now get to greet when those she touched will enter the gates of Heaven. She motivates me to be a better person and a more active witness for our Savior.
I also learned how physically strong and amazing Gigi was. She had liver problems 28 years ago and was told she wouldn't be able to have anymore children. She had 2 more, one of which was Jonathan. By the strength of her body and the miracles of God, her liver made its own veins and shunts to make it fully function all these years. Many people have asked why Gigi didn't get more routine check-ups so that maybe this could have been caught earlier but the fact of the matter is she did and because her body made her liver work in its own way, the problems were undetectable. In fact, last year she tried donating a kidney so she had to go through extensive tests to make sure she was ok and nothing was found. Her liver was functioning but we have now figured out that it was in a state that everyday in the last 28 years could have very well been her last day. I, personally am thankful for those extra 28 years because otherwise I would not have my husband. Gigi was literally walking proof of a miracle of God.
The last thing I have been blessed to have observed is how strong and amazing my father-in-law, Wes, is. He has been a rock for the family throughout all of this. I'm sure he has had his moments of sadness but he did it in his own time. He keeps things in perspective for us and our friends. He says that he can't be selfish for wanting her here longer when he got her for 28 years longer than he should have. He was the officiating pastor at her funeral and he did a phenomenal job. He captured every element of Gigi's character perfectly and held himself together throughout the whole thing. Its obvious that he is still in love with his "sweetie," as he called her. Earlier this week he was sharing their song with me, John Denver's "My Sweet Lady," and I could still see the sparkle in his eye that I saw in the hospital days before. He just amazes me, for a million reasons he amazes me, but in the last couple weeks I have found a whole new respect for him. I told him that guys often look to their wives moms to see what to expect in the future so if I do the same with my husband's dad then I have a lot to look forward to and I'm one lucky girl.
As I write this blog I'm sitting in Gigi's living room and I want to share some quotes she has in frames on her walls. "The most important things in life aren't things." "Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." "Faith, hope, and love, the greatest of these is love." "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver or gold. -Proverbs 22:1" "Family- we live, we laugh, we play, we love." I love that she has each of these up. I love these quotes and they perfectly describe who Gigi is and how she lived her life.
So here's the things that I've taken away from this: love God with all your heart and live your life for Him, lead others to Christ, keep the love for your spouse strong so that when you are in your last days you still have a sparkle in your eye when you look at each other, be a mother to your children and all children who need a mother, realize that family includes more than those who are related by blood, and show your love for those around you because you never know when life is going to take a dramatic turn- each new day really is a blessing from the Lord.
*Side note: I know that many of you have been keeping up with my blog to keep up to date on what has been going on with Gigi. I hope that you will continue to check in. My posts will probably start to go back to my normal day-to-day life but I'll continue to give updates on how we are doing in the aftermath of all of this when it is necessary. Thank you for reading my posts and encouraging me to keep my updates going. I didn't know that my little posts would make such an impact on so many of you. This week it has been nice seeing the faces of those of you who have been reading. It really has been my pleasure writing all of these and sharing with you all. Thank you for the prayers, love, and support.
When we got to El Paso on that first day, Easter Sunday, I was immediately reminded of the love that this family gives me and so many others. We are a very close knit family even though it is rare that all of us can really get together at the same place and at the same time. Most of the family was there by the time we got there and there were some people from their church as well. Seeing all of those people so quickly gathered is a sign that so many people love the Phillips family, and especially love the sweet lady who is our matriarch. At that point we were all fearing the worst- that Gigi may be in her last few hours of life. Seeing the sadness and devastation in everyone's eyes was heartbreaking. At the same time I just kept thinking how awesome Gigi is. She is truly a wonderful lady. She is the glue to this big crazy family of ours. The fun things we do are largely in part because of her, the funny stories we have usually include something funny she did (in fact the reason she is Gigi is because it stands for goofy granny. You can count on her to always give us a laugh!), the reason this family is so welcoming to anyone who walks in their door is because of Gigi, I also believe that part of the reason that Wes is such a great pastor is because she is such a great pastor's wife. I could go on but I think you get the main idea.
That night I got to observe an example of a mother's true & unending love for her children. Each of us got some time alone with Gigi and she was able to say things that she wanted to say to us. Jonathan and I were in there for a while and it was one of the sweetest moments I've ever witnessed. I usually see Jonathan as a big tough guy who thinks he can take on the world; he's not afraid to show emotion but this time it was a whole new kind of emotion. I saw him go back to being a sweet little boy who just loves his mom. Gigi said sweet things to him and gave him advice. He listened to her and let her say her peace but he still teased her and had to be silly little Jonathan. Like all mothers and sons they have had their trying times in the past but in that moment all that mattered was the love and respect they had for each other. It really was one of the sweetest moments I've ever been a part of and I hope I can remember it forever.
I also got to witness the real and genuine love of a husband and wife. I have always admired Wes and Gigi's relationship, perhaps mainly because of the many parallels that they had to Jonathan and myself. They met in college, were young, and decided to marry "on love." They didn't have much and had many tough times but it made them stronger and made them who they are today. They were honest and faithful and had enduring love. Its difficult to find a marriage that has lasted over 30 years, much less a marriage that has lasted that long and has been a faithful relationship throughout the time. Wes and Gigi were in a moment that was probably one of the scariest and most unsure times in their relationships and yet they still had a sparkle in their eye when they looked at each other. Wes didn't seem to see a lady covered in tubes and looking sickly, he saw his beautiful bride. As he left she said that he's still her knight in shining armor.
Even when she was in some of the most challenging times of her life, Gigi was still a mom who had to get things done. At one point Wes had to run to the house for some reason and she told him that she had washed Matthew's sheets and they were in the dryer. She was also assuring Jonathan & I that the sheets on our bed were clean. She was thinking about bills that needed to be paid and teaching Wes how to pay them online. She was on Jonathan's case making sure he was getting his work done so he could graduate. The day before, when she first started throwing up the blood, she was riding in the ambulance and talking on her cell phone making sure that Kiana would get her cake for her birthday party. I know that a mom's job never really ends but Gigi was a great example of that. I kept telling her that she was a much better woman than me, if I was in her state I probably wouldn't be thinking about sheets and bills!
The next few days took twists and turns that were crazy. At this point, most of those events have been documented in past blog posts. We ended up going to Houston hoping to get a procedure done that would maybe prolong her life. Once we were there we were so incredibly blessed. We had hotel rooms provided, more food was given to us than we knew what to do with, and a fund set up for people all around to donate money to help us out. We had prayers being said for our family from literally all over the world. Over that week in Houston my blog had been viewed by 10 different countries. I know that we had blesssings that week that I probably didn't even realize. The thing that was most meaningful to me was the bond that our family shared over the week. I've said before that it is so rare that we all get together for an extended period of time. It was sad because of the reason we were there but at the same time it was so fun just being together. We got to laugh and cry together. We got to stay up late telling stories. We got to know each other in new ways. I've said before that Gigi was the glue that held the family together. When all of this started I was afraid that if she died the family would fall apart because the glue would no longer be there. I really feel that this week was a huge blessing in itself because it brought us all together and gave us a new kind of glue. We are now all connected more and in different ways than before.
Throughout the week I got to learn more and more about who Wes & Gigi were. I heard stories I had never heard before and really got to see how many lives they have touched. I had so many different facebook messages and comments on my blog that said things like, "You don't know me but I know your family and they are amazing..." They would go on to tell me how great Wes & Gigi were and that they were praying for us. I also had a lot of messages saying things like, "I've never met Gigi but I wanted to tell you that she is blessing me through her story..." I wish I was able to tell Gigi about that. She would have been so pleased to know that she was still influencing lives- even from a hospital bed.
Touching lives is what Gigi did- when she was healthy and even when she was sick. Wes said in Gigi's funeral yesterday that her spiritual gift was the gift of helps. She definitely was a helper. She couldn't sit by and watch something happen. She wanted to get in the middle of it and help solve the problem or fill a person's need. Her job alone is a job that is so honorable. She was a teacher for special education children who had really challenging health and mental issues. There are a lot of people who look down on kids like that but she saw them as extra special blessings. Those kids weren't just students in her class, they were her kids. This was evident by different parents who I've seen in the past couple days at the viewing and funeral who came to thank her for taking care of their kids throughout the years. Gigi was also touching lives, spiritually, in the hospital. She was witnessing to her doctors, surgeons, nurses, and to family members of other patients. I just can't imagine how many people greeted Gigi in Heaven because of the influence she was on their lives and how many more she will now get to greet when those she touched will enter the gates of Heaven. She motivates me to be a better person and a more active witness for our Savior.
I also learned how physically strong and amazing Gigi was. She had liver problems 28 years ago and was told she wouldn't be able to have anymore children. She had 2 more, one of which was Jonathan. By the strength of her body and the miracles of God, her liver made its own veins and shunts to make it fully function all these years. Many people have asked why Gigi didn't get more routine check-ups so that maybe this could have been caught earlier but the fact of the matter is she did and because her body made her liver work in its own way, the problems were undetectable. In fact, last year she tried donating a kidney so she had to go through extensive tests to make sure she was ok and nothing was found. Her liver was functioning but we have now figured out that it was in a state that everyday in the last 28 years could have very well been her last day. I, personally am thankful for those extra 28 years because otherwise I would not have my husband. Gigi was literally walking proof of a miracle of God.
The last thing I have been blessed to have observed is how strong and amazing my father-in-law, Wes, is. He has been a rock for the family throughout all of this. I'm sure he has had his moments of sadness but he did it in his own time. He keeps things in perspective for us and our friends. He says that he can't be selfish for wanting her here longer when he got her for 28 years longer than he should have. He was the officiating pastor at her funeral and he did a phenomenal job. He captured every element of Gigi's character perfectly and held himself together throughout the whole thing. Its obvious that he is still in love with his "sweetie," as he called her. Earlier this week he was sharing their song with me, John Denver's "My Sweet Lady," and I could still see the sparkle in his eye that I saw in the hospital days before. He just amazes me, for a million reasons he amazes me, but in the last couple weeks I have found a whole new respect for him. I told him that guys often look to their wives moms to see what to expect in the future so if I do the same with my husband's dad then I have a lot to look forward to and I'm one lucky girl.
As I write this blog I'm sitting in Gigi's living room and I want to share some quotes she has in frames on her walls. "The most important things in life aren't things." "Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." "Faith, hope, and love, the greatest of these is love." "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver or gold. -Proverbs 22:1" "Family- we live, we laugh, we play, we love." I love that she has each of these up. I love these quotes and they perfectly describe who Gigi is and how she lived her life.
So here's the things that I've taken away from this: love God with all your heart and live your life for Him, lead others to Christ, keep the love for your spouse strong so that when you are in your last days you still have a sparkle in your eye when you look at each other, be a mother to your children and all children who need a mother, realize that family includes more than those who are related by blood, and show your love for those around you because you never know when life is going to take a dramatic turn- each new day really is a blessing from the Lord.
*Side note: I know that many of you have been keeping up with my blog to keep up to date on what has been going on with Gigi. I hope that you will continue to check in. My posts will probably start to go back to my normal day-to-day life but I'll continue to give updates on how we are doing in the aftermath of all of this when it is necessary. Thank you for reading my posts and encouraging me to keep my updates going. I didn't know that my little posts would make such an impact on so many of you. This week it has been nice seeing the faces of those of you who have been reading. It really has been my pleasure writing all of these and sharing with you all. Thank you for the prayers, love, and support.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Funeral Arrangements
We have made arrangements for Gigi. Below is what Wes posted to his facebook. If you have any questions feel free to contact me on here through messages or on my facebook. I'm not sure if I'll have the answer right away but I can certainly work on it.
I will try to give more of an update later, but here are the details for Cindy's funeral. It will be held at Cielo Vista Church, 3585 N. Lee Trevino (corner of Lee Trevino and Montana Avenue) @ 1:30 p.m., Friday, May 13, 2011 in El Paso, TX. Interment will follow at Evergreen East Cemetary, a short distance away on Montana Avenue. Because we have so many friends that know each other from different places, we will also have a meal available for anyone who would like to attend and visit at First Baptist Church of Horizon City. Address is 17018 Darrington Road, Horizon City, TX. You can call the church at 915.852.3027 or call my cell. If you need the number, contact me. Thank you again for all your gracious gifts and messages. It has been a very busy time and there is still much to do.
A viewing and time to interact with the family will be available on Thursday evening at Martin Funeral Home East from 5 until 9 p.m. on Thursday evening. The address for Martin East is 1460 George Dieter in El Paso.
A viewing and time to interact with the family will be available on Thursday evening at Martin Funeral Home East from 5 until 9 p.m. on Thursday evening. The address for Martin East is 1460 George Dieter in El Paso.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Goodbye Gigi
I'm sorry I haven't had a post in a couple days. The past two days have been consumed with Jonathan's graduation and family coming to join us. However, as most of you know by now, Friday night Gigi passed away. When I first heard the news I was with Jonathan, his cousin BJ, and Jennifer Gail. We got the call and we really had peace about it. We kmew it was coming and we had already been in mourning for a week so we were ok. The sadness came on much later and hit us hard. We, selfishly, want her here but are trying to keep in mind that she is with her Jesus and that is the best place to be. Here's the post that Wes wrote late Friday night:
My dear, sweet Cindy left this world to join Jesus at 10:22 local time in Houston. Thank you for your prayers, it has been a peaceful and wonderful evening. Today is Daniels birthday, tomorrow Jonathan will graduate from college and we will have family traveling in many different directions. Please continue to pray for us, we are so scattered and have so many things to do that we have never done. I will try to put up some kind of update with plans for the funeral, etc. some time soon. Thank you again for so the encouragement and support we have received from everyone.
I was afraid that the news would make the next day even more difficult for graduation. The day was really nice and everything went well, all things considered. It was nice to see the family come together and celebrate Jonathan's accomplishment and be there to support each other in the bittersweet moments. I just kept thinking to myself that Gigi promised she would be at the ceremony so this was the only way she could still be there considering the state she was in. I know she was just as proud of Jonathan as I was as he walked across the stage.
After graduation we learned that Wes would be preaching Sunday morning for Mother's Day service. We also heard that Nicole told her kids about their Gigi and that Kiana was taking it the hardest. We decided it would be best to get to El Paso as quickly as possible to be there to hear Pops preach and to just be with family since the next few days are likely to be very difficult. We are currently on the road making our way to El Paso to make it for 10 am service. The service is likely to be very difficult and emotional. I still can't believe that when I walk in the doors to the auditorium Gigi won't be sitting in her row.
As for funeral plans, nothing has been set yet. I will post updates as I know more. Today we are going to enjoy Mother's Day and spend time with each other. Its a Phillips tradition to go bowling after lunch so we are sticking to that plan. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms! Enjoy your day- you deserve it!
I was afraid that the news would make the next day even more difficult for graduation. The day was really nice and everything went well, all things considered. It was nice to see the family come together and celebrate Jonathan's accomplishment and be there to support each other in the bittersweet moments. I just kept thinking to myself that Gigi promised she would be at the ceremony so this was the only way she could still be there considering the state she was in. I know she was just as proud of Jonathan as I was as he walked across the stage.
After graduation we learned that Wes would be preaching Sunday morning for Mother's Day service. We also heard that Nicole told her kids about their Gigi and that Kiana was taking it the hardest. We decided it would be best to get to El Paso as quickly as possible to be there to hear Pops preach and to just be with family since the next few days are likely to be very difficult. We are currently on the road making our way to El Paso to make it for 10 am service. The service is likely to be very difficult and emotional. I still can't believe that when I walk in the doors to the auditorium Gigi won't be sitting in her row.
As for funeral plans, nothing has been set yet. I will post updates as I know more. Today we are going to enjoy Mother's Day and spend time with each other. Its a Phillips tradition to go bowling after lunch so we are sticking to that plan. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms! Enjoy your day- you deserve it!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Houston: Day 9
There's not much to report today. Gigi's conditions haven't changed much. She is pretty heavily sedated and resting quite a bit. Her Hospice House seems to be really beautiful. There are still constant visitors to spend time with her and show her some love.
Please continue to pray for the family as we have tried to resume our normal lives. Many of us have faced various challenges this week that are not helpful during this stressful time. We are trying to hang in there but life is just crazy. There have still been many blessings throughout the week. For us, personally, Jonathan has been so very blessed by his new job. The people in his office are very understanding of his situation and are offering to help in any way possible. His professors at Wayland have also been very helpful in getting him ready for graduation. At times in the past week or so we weren't sure if graduation was still going to happen or if we would be up to it. Everything is coming together and we are back to being excited about the activities for the weekend. I know that there will still be many bittersweet moments but Jonathan deserves to celebrate and Gigi wants him to celebrate.
God has also been blessing us this week through our friends. We have friends here in Lubbock who have taken great care of us and our old friends in Plainview are also supporting us in ways that they don't even realize how much it means to us. Its nice to see true, genuine friendship in times like these. God is also blessing us through our church. New friends we have made have been so supportive and caring. I started crying this morning during MOPS when we were talking about grandmothers and a sweet friend rubbed my arm and said, "Its ok." For some reason it just gave me such peace. God showed a huge blessing after our meeting that I know will continue to be a blessing down the road. It turns out one of our Sunday School leaders lost his mother when he was just a few years older than Jonathan so he understands the pain that Jonathan is going through and his wife understands what I'm going through. Knowing that we will have someone to go to when this becomes more of a reality means so much to me. I love having mentors and people who are wiser than me to help guide me through life so this is a huge, huge blessing. Its just so nice to see God's plans laid out in every little detail in life. It gives me hope that this struggle is just part of a greater plan that he has for us and that someday something beautiful will come from it.
Please continue to pray for the family as we have tried to resume our normal lives. Many of us have faced various challenges this week that are not helpful during this stressful time. We are trying to hang in there but life is just crazy. There have still been many blessings throughout the week. For us, personally, Jonathan has been so very blessed by his new job. The people in his office are very understanding of his situation and are offering to help in any way possible. His professors at Wayland have also been very helpful in getting him ready for graduation. At times in the past week or so we weren't sure if graduation was still going to happen or if we would be up to it. Everything is coming together and we are back to being excited about the activities for the weekend. I know that there will still be many bittersweet moments but Jonathan deserves to celebrate and Gigi wants him to celebrate.
God has also been blessing us this week through our friends. We have friends here in Lubbock who have taken great care of us and our old friends in Plainview are also supporting us in ways that they don't even realize how much it means to us. Its nice to see true, genuine friendship in times like these. God is also blessing us through our church. New friends we have made have been so supportive and caring. I started crying this morning during MOPS when we were talking about grandmothers and a sweet friend rubbed my arm and said, "Its ok." For some reason it just gave me such peace. God showed a huge blessing after our meeting that I know will continue to be a blessing down the road. It turns out one of our Sunday School leaders lost his mother when he was just a few years older than Jonathan so he understands the pain that Jonathan is going through and his wife understands what I'm going through. Knowing that we will have someone to go to when this becomes more of a reality means so much to me. I love having mentors and people who are wiser than me to help guide me through life so this is a huge, huge blessing. Its just so nice to see God's plans laid out in every little detail in life. It gives me hope that this struggle is just part of a greater plan that he has for us and that someday something beautiful will come from it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Houston: Day 8
I can't believe its been 8 days since Gigi has been in Houston! It has flown by but yet seems like this has been the longest week ever. In case you missed the update late last night, she is being moved to Houston Hospice sometime today, probably in the next couple of hours. (I'm writing this around noon, central time.) She is still continuing to worship God and be a blessing to those around her. Wes is still holding on being strong and courageous.
Yesterday, I posted some notes that family members have been writing to Gigi but I hadn't brought myself to write one until late last night. Remember, yesterday I said I was in my anger phase but through the help of some close friends I was able to move out of it. Once that anger left me I was finally able to open up, think clearly, and write my thoughts out to Gigi. Here is my post:
I have been working on saving each post that your friends and family have written since the day this journey started & I've decided that it's my turn to share my thoughts. It will probably be random but you know that's how most of my stories are!
1. I love that the first time we met I had Southern Maid donuts in hand. I would later come to find out that they were as much of a favorite to your family as they were to me. I also didn't realize on that day that about two & a half years later you'd be bringing those very donuts to me while I was in labor with your granddaughter!
2. I love that you love all Julia Roberts movies like I do!
3. I love that you love Elvis & his movies & that you always try to make Chops sing. I promise to think of you every time I watch an Elvis movie from now, on.
4. I love that we have so much in common!
5. I love the story of how you and Pops met. You guys are one of the sweetest couples I know and I hope that when Chops and I have been married 30+ years like you have we will still have the same sparkle in our eyes that both of you have.
6. I love Christmas at the Phillips house. I'll admit, it took me a couple years to get used to the chaos but now it really is one of my favorite Christmas traditions!
7. I love that when things are crazy in my family you are there with a hug and a smile.
8. I love our girl chats in your living room that go until all hours of the night. I especially love that during most of those conversations you are holding one of your grandbabies who have fallen asleep in your arms.
9. I love that you said you'd be a fan of Tech or Texas depending on who got you a shirt first. Since I got it done I love that you'll always be a Tech fan!
10. I love your phone conversations with Chops. Those times are the sweetest and funniest moments and yet they always somehow involve a conversation about politics.
11. I love that sometimes when I look at Kate I see glimpses of you.
12. I love that you are a Cowboys fan!
13. I love that you have opened your heart to kids who need homes even when everyone thought you were crazy. You have no idea how much those kids have inspired and afffected my life.
14. I love that you & Pops got married at a young age & that you supported Chops & I when we chose to do the same. I know that people probably thought you guys were crazy like they did with us but you knew that you met the love of your life and that's all that mattered.
15. I love that you put on family vacations. They are always crazy, always eventful, never go as planned, but they are a Phillips vacation & that's how it should be!
16. I love that you made me more flexible and not a person who always has to stick by a set plan.
17. I love the family that you & Pops created. Each of them is so unique but I love each and every one of them for how special they are.
18. I love that every time I hear about Chicken Spaghetti I think of you! ;)
19. I love that you are always supportive of whatever Chops and I do.
20. I love that you considered me part of the "triangle" that became the "diamond." (You know what I'm talking about!)
21. I love that you are an inspiration to so many people, even people you haven't even met. Through this journey I've received different messages telling me what an inspiration you are and how your stories have taught people so many things even though they have never even met you. You are leaving a legacy behind that is priceless. I hope that I will be able to sufficiently describe all that you are to your grandchildren.
22. I love that my last moments with you were filled with more laughter than tears. When I get together with you there is always laughter and fun times so I'm glad that was still true to the end.
23. I love that you raised the man of my dreams. Chops wouldn't be the man he is today without the guidance from you & Pops. I know it must have been challenging to raise him but you never gave up. He is the spiritual leader for Kate and myself. He is a provider and hard worker. He is funny and intelligent. All of his traits are reflections of the upbringing you & Pops gave him. I don't even know how to begin to thank the woman that put in all the hard work and challenges to make Jonathan who he is today. I owe you eternal gratitude.
One of my fondest memories of you was when I was at a Premier seminar with you & Nicole helping take care of Nevaeh. Chops and I had been married for about 5 months. You & I were having dinner and it was then that you told me that I saved Jonathan from the path he was on. You shared personal things with me that I never knew. I knew that it was part of my purpose in life to be Jonathan's wife but what you said to me gave that a whole new meaning. I will treasure those words forever. Another great memory of you is when you drove to Lubbock to be there when Kate was born. You were only there long enough to hold her for a few minutes before you had to go back home but it was so special to me that you were there. It kills me that you won't physically be there when we have our next baby someday; however, I know that you will be there in spirit. I pray that we will have a reminder of you on that day like we had a reminder of Papa Chuy the day Kate was born. I'm so crushed that our kids probably won't have memories of you but I promise to tell them about you and remind them how much you love them. I'm heartbroken that you won't physically be here anymore but I am grateful that part of you lives on in Daniel, Nicole, Jonathan, Jennifer, Matthew, Jennifer Gail, Dylan, Malachi, Kiana, Nevaeh, Marcus, Landon, Kaden, Kohl, Kate, and any other babies in the future. I hope that Jessie, Kenta, myself, Oscar, and Rob can each live up to the expectations that you prayed for as the spouses of each of your children.
I love you Gigi, I hope I can carry on your legacy. I'm happy, and a little jealous, that you will be meeting Jesus soon. We will all miss you so much but we know that we will see you again some day. Thank you for all that you are and all you have done.
Wes' latest update about hospice: 10:00 pm
Yesterday, I posted some notes that family members have been writing to Gigi but I hadn't brought myself to write one until late last night. Remember, yesterday I said I was in my anger phase but through the help of some close friends I was able to move out of it. Once that anger left me I was finally able to open up, think clearly, and write my thoughts out to Gigi. Here is my post:
I have been working on saving each post that your friends and family have written since the day this journey started & I've decided that it's my turn to share my thoughts. It will probably be random but you know that's how most of my stories are!
1. I love that the first time we met I had Southern Maid donuts in hand. I would later come to find out that they were as much of a favorite to your family as they were to me. I also didn't realize on that day that about two & a half years later you'd be bringing those very donuts to me while I was in labor with your granddaughter!
2. I love that you love all Julia Roberts movies like I do!
3. I love that you love Elvis & his movies & that you always try to make Chops sing. I promise to think of you every time I watch an Elvis movie from now, on.
4. I love that we have so much in common!
5. I love the story of how you and Pops met. You guys are one of the sweetest couples I know and I hope that when Chops and I have been married 30+ years like you have we will still have the same sparkle in our eyes that both of you have.
6. I love Christmas at the Phillips house. I'll admit, it took me a couple years to get used to the chaos but now it really is one of my favorite Christmas traditions!
7. I love that when things are crazy in my family you are there with a hug and a smile.
8. I love our girl chats in your living room that go until all hours of the night. I especially love that during most of those conversations you are holding one of your grandbabies who have fallen asleep in your arms.
9. I love that you said you'd be a fan of Tech or Texas depending on who got you a shirt first. Since I got it done I love that you'll always be a Tech fan!
10. I love your phone conversations with Chops. Those times are the sweetest and funniest moments and yet they always somehow involve a conversation about politics.
11. I love that sometimes when I look at Kate I see glimpses of you.
12. I love that you are a Cowboys fan!
13. I love that you have opened your heart to kids who need homes even when everyone thought you were crazy. You have no idea how much those kids have inspired and afffected my life.
14. I love that you & Pops got married at a young age & that you supported Chops & I when we chose to do the same. I know that people probably thought you guys were crazy like they did with us but you knew that you met the love of your life and that's all that mattered.
15. I love that you put on family vacations. They are always crazy, always eventful, never go as planned, but they are a Phillips vacation & that's how it should be!
16. I love that you made me more flexible and not a person who always has to stick by a set plan.
17. I love the family that you & Pops created. Each of them is so unique but I love each and every one of them for how special they are.
18. I love that every time I hear about Chicken Spaghetti I think of you! ;)
19. I love that you are always supportive of whatever Chops and I do.
20. I love that you considered me part of the "triangle" that became the "diamond." (You know what I'm talking about!)
21. I love that you are an inspiration to so many people, even people you haven't even met. Through this journey I've received different messages telling me what an inspiration you are and how your stories have taught people so many things even though they have never even met you. You are leaving a legacy behind that is priceless. I hope that I will be able to sufficiently describe all that you are to your grandchildren.
22. I love that my last moments with you were filled with more laughter than tears. When I get together with you there is always laughter and fun times so I'm glad that was still true to the end.
23. I love that you raised the man of my dreams. Chops wouldn't be the man he is today without the guidance from you & Pops. I know it must have been challenging to raise him but you never gave up. He is the spiritual leader for Kate and myself. He is a provider and hard worker. He is funny and intelligent. All of his traits are reflections of the upbringing you & Pops gave him. I don't even know how to begin to thank the woman that put in all the hard work and challenges to make Jonathan who he is today. I owe you eternal gratitude.
One of my fondest memories of you was when I was at a Premier seminar with you & Nicole helping take care of Nevaeh. Chops and I had been married for about 5 months. You & I were having dinner and it was then that you told me that I saved Jonathan from the path he was on. You shared personal things with me that I never knew. I knew that it was part of my purpose in life to be Jonathan's wife but what you said to me gave that a whole new meaning. I will treasure those words forever. Another great memory of you is when you drove to Lubbock to be there when Kate was born. You were only there long enough to hold her for a few minutes before you had to go back home but it was so special to me that you were there. It kills me that you won't physically be there when we have our next baby someday; however, I know that you will be there in spirit. I pray that we will have a reminder of you on that day like we had a reminder of Papa Chuy the day Kate was born. I'm so crushed that our kids probably won't have memories of you but I promise to tell them about you and remind them how much you love them. I'm heartbroken that you won't physically be here anymore but I am grateful that part of you lives on in Daniel, Nicole, Jonathan, Jennifer, Matthew, Jennifer Gail, Dylan, Malachi, Kiana, Nevaeh, Marcus, Landon, Kaden, Kohl, Kate, and any other babies in the future. I hope that Jessie, Kenta, myself, Oscar, and Rob can each live up to the expectations that you prayed for as the spouses of each of your children.
I love you Gigi, I hope I can carry on your legacy. I'm happy, and a little jealous, that you will be meeting Jesus soon. We will all miss you so much but we know that we will see you again some day. Thank you for all that you are and all you have done.
Wes' latest update about hospice: 10:00 pm
We are settled into the Houston Hospice facility and it is a wonderful place for Cindy to be. At one time, this was a home reserved for the mayor of Houston. It is a converted mansion and is beautiful inside and out. There is a beautiful garden area here and they have the ability to actually roll patient beds out onto the grounds just to enjoy the sunshine, flowers, and beauty of creation. We are so blessed to be here. Beverly Terrell made a return trip to see Cindy today and it is always a wonderful time for them to share some time together. Please continue to pray for God to do things that only God can do. There are several people that are very close to us who have had extremely challenging days today. My heart goes out to them and even though you may not know their names or circumstances, their day today and the several that follow may be much more difficult than ours. May God continue to bless all of you out there who continue to lift us up. Please pray for my kids and extended family, this is a hard time for them.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Houston: Day 7
Today hasn't been so great for me, hence the tardiness of my post for the day. I think I'm hitting a bit of the anger phase of this process. I'll spare you all the details but basically I've had no motivation to do anything and I'm just angry at so many things, even just angry at myself at times. Earlier in the day I thought that I just really need to call "my person" who I call when I need encouraging words or a swift kick in the butt spiritually. However, before I called her I realized that she is probably going through the same stuff since she's in the family so I decided not to call her- which made me more angry...this anger phase is really no fun. After some time I decided to give her a call and if anything else we can just be angry together. Well, wouldn't you know it, our amazing God intervened in His perfect time and spoke to her so that she would feel better and in turn share her message to make me feel better. Thank you God for that and for "my person."
The message she shared was really quite simple but I needed to hear it. She basically said that this is still all in God's time so I need to trust in that. He has Gigi holding on for a reason even if we don't see it. It is frustrating and painful for us to wait and wait and have our heart skip a beat everytime we hear the phone ring thinking that its "the call" to let us know she has passed. Its frustrating to not be able to make a plan for our next move or be able to function in our everyday life; however, at this point its just not about us. Everything right now is about Gigi and God's plan for her. God is keeping her here for a reason. Gigi is spending her time in the hospital witnessing to her doctors and nurses either outright or by example. I've heard a story already about a doctor she had been talking to when he was attending to her and how she told him that he needs to meet her Jesus. He said he wasn't a religious person but listened to her. That doctor is no longer assigned to her but he still keeps coming by her room just to observe her and see how the family is handling this situation. Yesterday, or maybe the day before, he just walked up to Wes, gave him a hug, and started to cry. God must be moving in that man's life and it started with Gigi. There's been numerous other stories similar to this one where the medical professionals are just amazed by the family's joy and grace in the midst of the most difficult time of their life. It doesn't seem to be "normal" to them but its normal for the Phillips' who are covered in God's grace. Gigi still has a purpose here on Earth and God isn't finished with her. The doctors said today and yesterday that this day will likely be her last but the Great Physician has other plans. Yes, its difficult for all of us friends and family to be on edge waiting for the news that is inevitable but we just have to keep in mind that God has a plan and a reason and still has perfect timing.
A lot of the kids have been posting notes on facebook in dedication to Gigi. I'm going to post a few so you can see their beautiful words and witness how Gigi has taught them so much in their lives. At the end I'll post Wes' latest update on her that was written at about 1:00 this afternoon. Thank you for your continued support and prayers.
*From Jonathan:
It's fun to read all the stories and memories that my mom gave to us. Honestly, I don't know too many stories of what life was like for her before she ran into my dad's dorm room the night they met @ Wayland! I know she didn't just fall out of the sky that night, but that's usually where their stories start... My parents have been such great role models to all of their kids, and to the thousands of people they ministered to.
If I have any regret, it's not getting GiGi & Pops a pinball machine! The story goes that early on there were times that their income was so tight that they saved 50 cents each to play pinball on Friday nights. This was their entertainment budget. It wasn't much, but it was all they had, and they knew it was important to have fun no matter what. It was a life lesson that was understood by all of us kids even though it may have never been directly expressed; to be humble is a virtue that should be rejoiced. To know what humility is can translate into almost any language, and can be expressed in a sympathetic smile or gesture. My mom never asked for much because she always said she had everything she needed. This was odd to me as a child because I could see my friends’ parents who seemed to have so much more. However, if she had a nicer car, she'd find a single mom that needed it more, or if she had a bigger house she would just fill it up with kids that needed a home! I was so sad when Daniel left for the Air Force Academy, but it wasn't very long after that when Jennifer Gail moved in! More recently, they noticed they had too much space and now Dylan is staying in my old bedroom!
Philanthropy was a term that I hadn't heard of until high school, but it was a concept that I grew up with! I have four famous role models that I turn to for research papers in school for ethics classes, biographies, social responsibility essays and so on... Warren Buffet, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Andrew Carnegie. My mom & dad are not on the Forbes top 10 list as chairman of a big company like Berkshire Hathaway, nor are they royalty, nor has either taken an oath of poverty and celibacy, & nor will either become a steel tycoon! However, like Buffet, I would venture to guess that my parents have & will continue to give over half their wealth to charities, I bet my parents would kiss a person dying of aids like Princess Diana, I know my parents have seen Christ in the homeless like Mother Teresa, and I can guarantee that my parents have lived by Carnegie's words that "A man who dies rich, lived poor."
Growing up in the Phillips home was never dull! This past week was very somber at points, but it was fun to have all of us together again! With so many kids who are now all married & have so many kids, it's very hard for all of us to get together! Mom loved crazy vacations that forced us to enjoy each other! One time we took a road trip from El Paso to Niagara Falls! (When I'm older Kate will think this is where Kim & my stories always seem to start...) Christmas is always an event that can take as much as 6-8 hours just to open all of the presents! One of Kim's favorite things to do is to make me call my mom! She just loves the way we interact over the phone, joking, talking, laughing, and it can go on for a long time if we let it! I am truly blessed.
I'm selfishly sad that this has to happen now. It seems like Pops is too young to have to go through this. I'm sorry for my baby Kate that she won't really remember her GiGi! I am going to miss Mom's simple wisdom to just trust God & always cherish family. She truly is the glue that keeps us together, and now she's just not there to do that anymore. I know there will become a new normal, but I'm crushed... broken.
One last thing that I also picked up from Mom... I chose to get married before I graduated college because I was following my heart. "Sometimes the wise thing and the right thing are not the same thing, but ask God and follow your heart," she would say. Well anyways, we've been married for 3 years now and I've worked @ least one full time job everyday and found time for school and a family. One night I was complaining about all of it to my mom and I think this was the best advice she'd ever given to me: Life is hard and sometimes unfair. The unfairness you just have to leave in God's hands but it's going to be hard no matter what. It's either going to be hard because you are working hard to make it better for you and your family, or it's going to be hard because you gave up. Choose to make it hard because you're willing to improve yourself; don't let it get hard because you're a quitter! (She probably put it a little bit differently, but that is a lesson that I remember from one of our phone conversations that Kim puts me up to!)
*From Jennifer Gail, Gigi's "adopted" daughter who is just as much of a daughter and sister as Nicole & Jennifer. (She also helps make for a good story when we say Jonathan has 2 sisters named Jennifer!) She is one of the greatest people I know:
The message she shared was really quite simple but I needed to hear it. She basically said that this is still all in God's time so I need to trust in that. He has Gigi holding on for a reason even if we don't see it. It is frustrating and painful for us to wait and wait and have our heart skip a beat everytime we hear the phone ring thinking that its "the call" to let us know she has passed. Its frustrating to not be able to make a plan for our next move or be able to function in our everyday life; however, at this point its just not about us. Everything right now is about Gigi and God's plan for her. God is keeping her here for a reason. Gigi is spending her time in the hospital witnessing to her doctors and nurses either outright or by example. I've heard a story already about a doctor she had been talking to when he was attending to her and how she told him that he needs to meet her Jesus. He said he wasn't a religious person but listened to her. That doctor is no longer assigned to her but he still keeps coming by her room just to observe her and see how the family is handling this situation. Yesterday, or maybe the day before, he just walked up to Wes, gave him a hug, and started to cry. God must be moving in that man's life and it started with Gigi. There's been numerous other stories similar to this one where the medical professionals are just amazed by the family's joy and grace in the midst of the most difficult time of their life. It doesn't seem to be "normal" to them but its normal for the Phillips' who are covered in God's grace. Gigi still has a purpose here on Earth and God isn't finished with her. The doctors said today and yesterday that this day will likely be her last but the Great Physician has other plans. Yes, its difficult for all of us friends and family to be on edge waiting for the news that is inevitable but we just have to keep in mind that God has a plan and a reason and still has perfect timing.
A lot of the kids have been posting notes on facebook in dedication to Gigi. I'm going to post a few so you can see their beautiful words and witness how Gigi has taught them so much in their lives. At the end I'll post Wes' latest update on her that was written at about 1:00 this afternoon. Thank you for your continued support and prayers.
*From Jonathan:
It's fun to read all the stories and memories that my mom gave to us. Honestly, I don't know too many stories of what life was like for her before she ran into my dad's dorm room the night they met @ Wayland! I know she didn't just fall out of the sky that night, but that's usually where their stories start... My parents have been such great role models to all of their kids, and to the thousands of people they ministered to.
If I have any regret, it's not getting GiGi & Pops a pinball machine! The story goes that early on there were times that their income was so tight that they saved 50 cents each to play pinball on Friday nights. This was their entertainment budget. It wasn't much, but it was all they had, and they knew it was important to have fun no matter what. It was a life lesson that was understood by all of us kids even though it may have never been directly expressed; to be humble is a virtue that should be rejoiced. To know what humility is can translate into almost any language, and can be expressed in a sympathetic smile or gesture. My mom never asked for much because she always said she had everything she needed. This was odd to me as a child because I could see my friends’ parents who seemed to have so much more. However, if she had a nicer car, she'd find a single mom that needed it more, or if she had a bigger house she would just fill it up with kids that needed a home! I was so sad when Daniel left for the Air Force Academy, but it wasn't very long after that when Jennifer Gail moved in! More recently, they noticed they had too much space and now Dylan is staying in my old bedroom!
Philanthropy was a term that I hadn't heard of until high school, but it was a concept that I grew up with! I have four famous role models that I turn to for research papers in school for ethics classes, biographies, social responsibility essays and so on... Warren Buffet, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Andrew Carnegie. My mom & dad are not on the Forbes top 10 list as chairman of a big company like Berkshire Hathaway, nor are they royalty, nor has either taken an oath of poverty and celibacy, & nor will either become a steel tycoon! However, like Buffet, I would venture to guess that my parents have & will continue to give over half their wealth to charities, I bet my parents would kiss a person dying of aids like Princess Diana, I know my parents have seen Christ in the homeless like Mother Teresa, and I can guarantee that my parents have lived by Carnegie's words that "A man who dies rich, lived poor."
Growing up in the Phillips home was never dull! This past week was very somber at points, but it was fun to have all of us together again! With so many kids who are now all married & have so many kids, it's very hard for all of us to get together! Mom loved crazy vacations that forced us to enjoy each other! One time we took a road trip from El Paso to Niagara Falls! (When I'm older Kate will think this is where Kim & my stories always seem to start...) Christmas is always an event that can take as much as 6-8 hours just to open all of the presents! One of Kim's favorite things to do is to make me call my mom! She just loves the way we interact over the phone, joking, talking, laughing, and it can go on for a long time if we let it! I am truly blessed.
I'm selfishly sad that this has to happen now. It seems like Pops is too young to have to go through this. I'm sorry for my baby Kate that she won't really remember her GiGi! I am going to miss Mom's simple wisdom to just trust God & always cherish family. She truly is the glue that keeps us together, and now she's just not there to do that anymore. I know there will become a new normal, but I'm crushed... broken.
One last thing that I also picked up from Mom... I chose to get married before I graduated college because I was following my heart. "Sometimes the wise thing and the right thing are not the same thing, but ask God and follow your heart," she would say. Well anyways, we've been married for 3 years now and I've worked @ least one full time job everyday and found time for school and a family. One night I was complaining about all of it to my mom and I think this was the best advice she'd ever given to me: Life is hard and sometimes unfair. The unfairness you just have to leave in God's hands but it's going to be hard no matter what. It's either going to be hard because you are working hard to make it better for you and your family, or it's going to be hard because you gave up. Choose to make it hard because you're willing to improve yourself; don't let it get hard because you're a quitter! (She probably put it a little bit differently, but that is a lesson that I remember from one of our phone conversations that Kim puts me up to!)
*From Jennifer Gail, Gigi's "adopted" daughter who is just as much of a daughter and sister as Nicole & Jennifer. (She also helps make for a good story when we say Jonathan has 2 sisters named Jennifer!) She is one of the greatest people I know:
I'm selfish. I was thinking this morning and I realized...I'm selfish. I want her here...I want her here for big Christmas, for big laughs, and for how big the joy she brings me is. Because she couldn't ever see anything with a butterfly on it and not think of me and most times buy it for me. Because she called me her daughter even when I was so unlovable...she called me her daughter and meant it with everything in her. Because there was never a problem that she couldn't solve. I didn't always like her solutions because they lovingly brought me out of my comfort zone and selfishness. She grew me with as much pure love as one person can display toward another. I just want her here. But as I was telling my Jesus this morning how thankful I am to Him for allowing me to have her in my life I realized....she's going to Heaven today! I hope she gets to meet my mom. I don't know if that's possible up there but I want to believe it is. I hope my mom gets to thank her and give her a hug for stepping in the gap. Her brother will be there, her grandpa and she'll get to see the countless number of lives she has her fingerprints all over. And there will be beauty and love and unbelievable rejoicing but what excites me the most is that...she gets to meet her Jesus today! And that makes me weep...it is so unbelievably beautiful to me. She's going home y'all and I miss her already and the tears wont stop coming (sometimes mixed with laughter) but I ONLY grieve for us. For those who will do this life without her...because my GiGi is going home and He's waiting for her with open arms and a big smile on His face ready to say...Well done my good and faithful servant.
*From Kenta: Nicole's husband
*From Kenta: Nicole's husband
as everyone knows I'm not big on words, but now is the time for you to know what I thought about my Goofy Granny. A long time ago (10 yrs) I started to become a part of yours and Pops' family. As I started to get to know you then came your nickname GiGi because you were the goofiest granny I have ever met. You have shown everyone around you including me how to be kind and open your heart to others. My kids, your grandchildren will miss you dearly because you have loved them from day one. I remember playing mexican train as a big family. Those were one of my fav moments of being in this family. There are sooooo many more to name but the best one of all is the letters at Christmas time. We all joke around with one another but deep down we all care for one another and would do anything on a drop of a dime. You have taught us to love eachother no matter what the situation or consequence. Malachi, Kiana, Nevaeh, and Marcus will miss you sooo much. As they sleep tonight they would have asked about you time and time again. I know one of your favorite poems is Footprints:
Footprints in the Sand - Poem
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
-Mary Stevenson)
I know you will walk with us always, be with us, and watch over us day by day to keep us safe until it is time for us to see you in heaven. You have touched many many lives in the past, now it is time to be rewarded for you have served the Lord as he wanted you to. I love you GiGi and one day I will see you again.
*From Angie: An example that Wes & Gigi have passed on, in my opinion, one of their best traits- taking in kids who need a home and making them family. Nicole & Kenta have taken in Angie to their home and she's now one of us. She is one of the greatest kids I know, I say kid but she's 18 years old. Her story is amazing and I'll probably end up dedicating a whole post to her one day. She's awesome.
Footprints in the Sand - Poem
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
-Mary Stevenson)
I know you will walk with us always, be with us, and watch over us day by day to keep us safe until it is time for us to see you in heaven. You have touched many many lives in the past, now it is time to be rewarded for you have served the Lord as he wanted you to. I love you GiGi and one day I will see you again.
*From Angie: An example that Wes & Gigi have passed on, in my opinion, one of their best traits- taking in kids who need a home and making them family. Nicole & Kenta have taken in Angie to their home and she's now one of us. She is one of the greatest kids I know, I say kid but she's 18 years old. Her story is amazing and I'll probably end up dedicating a whole post to her one day. She's awesome.
I had met the Phillips family about a year ago and they were just another family in my church. But this one goofy lady would always make sure how I was doing, if i was having a good day and if I wasn't she would always make sure she'd crack a joke to make me smile at least once that day. Little did she know... she wasn't always the greatest joke teller. Her smile was just so beautiful and contagious it was impossible to see her smile and not smile back. I had moved to Kansas from October to December. When I came back I was having a lot of problems Gigi would always tell me "God is good all the time! And all the time God is good!" I'm not gonna lie sometimes it would irritate me hearing that, but now more than ever I understand what she was trying to say. No matter what happens no matter what changes. God is in control. He never wants to hurt his children, he only wants the best for us. I am no longer scared for what tomorrow brings me. I am no longer worried if tomorrow is to be my last day, then by all means I better make today a good day and smile more and more.
Anywho, back to this marvelous woman... Christmas came around and we were at the church Christmas Eve, I was having a horrible day and she came up to me gave me a hug and I felt so relaxed. She invited me to her family dinner and to celebrate the next day. At first I really didn't want to go thinking it would be awkward with a family I didn't really know very well, but as soon as I got there I was welcomed by everyone with open arms. They started passing around presents and I heard my name. I was in complete shock, I didn't think I was getting any presents. I didn't even know they would get me presents. One after another started to pile on and I was like a little girl in a candy store. I don't remember the last time I have ever had that many presents for Christmas. We started to open presents up and the one present I will not forget is a Christmas tree and a Polarbear salt and pepper shaker. Gigi pullled me aside and told me that, it was something for me to treasure as the first of many Christmas memories with a family that loves me and cares for me. I have held onto that memory since that day. I tried really hard to not cry when she told me that, but now I'm crying like a little girl. From that day on she would always tell me and get mad at me if I didn't call her Gigi. I knew that only her children and grandchildren called her that so it meant so much for me to be allowed to call her that.
For those of you who are still reading this, and are incredibly confused... Gigi is suffering from failed liver. Her liver has gone completely bad that she is throwing up so much blood she is losing so much strength and nutrients to survive. Doctors have now said she will not make it past this day.
She is a caring woman, she always put herself before others. The first day she started throwing up blood her main concern was for the Kenta's and Kiana's birthday cake to get the party in time! Lol crazy Gigi.
It sadens me to know I'll never get to hear her laugh or see her contagious smile anymore but I am so happy to know she is resting in heaven with our father. She has gotten their greatest gift ever is to spend eternity with our God almighty. Always remember, you don't know what is in store for you tomorrow... Enjoy today, live for God and his perfect will. Serve his perfect word. And just as Gigi enjoyed every single day of her life, so will you. I love you so much Gigi and I can't wait until the day I get to join you with our heavenly father.
*The latest update from Wes:
Anywho, back to this marvelous woman... Christmas came around and we were at the church Christmas Eve, I was having a horrible day and she came up to me gave me a hug and I felt so relaxed. She invited me to her family dinner and to celebrate the next day. At first I really didn't want to go thinking it would be awkward with a family I didn't really know very well, but as soon as I got there I was welcomed by everyone with open arms. They started passing around presents and I heard my name. I was in complete shock, I didn't think I was getting any presents. I didn't even know they would get me presents. One after another started to pile on and I was like a little girl in a candy store. I don't remember the last time I have ever had that many presents for Christmas. We started to open presents up and the one present I will not forget is a Christmas tree and a Polarbear salt and pepper shaker. Gigi pullled me aside and told me that, it was something for me to treasure as the first of many Christmas memories with a family that loves me and cares for me. I have held onto that memory since that day. I tried really hard to not cry when she told me that, but now I'm crying like a little girl. From that day on she would always tell me and get mad at me if I didn't call her Gigi. I knew that only her children and grandchildren called her that so it meant so much for me to be allowed to call her that.
For those of you who are still reading this, and are incredibly confused... Gigi is suffering from failed liver. Her liver has gone completely bad that she is throwing up so much blood she is losing so much strength and nutrients to survive. Doctors have now said she will not make it past this day.
She is a caring woman, she always put herself before others. The first day she started throwing up blood her main concern was for the Kenta's and Kiana's birthday cake to get the party in time! Lol crazy Gigi.
It sadens me to know I'll never get to hear her laugh or see her contagious smile anymore but I am so happy to know she is resting in heaven with our father. She has gotten their greatest gift ever is to spend eternity with our God almighty. Always remember, you don't know what is in store for you tomorrow... Enjoy today, live for God and his perfect will. Serve his perfect word. And just as Gigi enjoyed every single day of her life, so will you. I love you so much Gigi and I can't wait until the day I get to join you with our heavenly father.
*The latest update from Wes:
Cindy continues to be a marvel, medically and otherwise. They have disconnected her from everything but pain killers, and her blood pressure is low, but barely out of the normal range. If things hold up for the next few hours, we would like to get Cindy back to El Paso by air ambulance if possible. There are some obstacles to getting this done, but we will work to make it happen. If this is not possible, then she will probably enter hospice care in a facility here. We continue to ride the roller coaster of right now it looks one way, and the next moment it is completely different. Thanks to all of you and especially to Amy, Jeff, Tami and Nicole for helping me last night. I have had two days and two nights and am well into the third day of not leaving the hospital at all, and rest is hard to come by. Thank you for your posts, we have quite a number of them that we should be able to share with Cindy shortly. She is such a flirt with the doctors and still has an amazing sense of humor. Some of the funniest moments of my life have happened this past week, and I continue to be amazed at how good God has been to allow me to have Cindy as my companion. In the midst of this, there has been considerable ministry to qualified, recognized doctors, many of which are leading in their fields. We have seen that God can use even desperate circumstances to extend the reach and the impact of one life focused on Him. We say this every post, but Thank you! You don't have any idea how much of our burden you have carried for us. I am so humbled by the graciousness and love that we have received from our friends.
***Update: 10:30 pm:
***Update: 10:30 pm:
We are catching up from a busy day of conversations with different doctors, specialists, social workers, etc. Our original plan had been to try to get Cindy back to El Paso, but we have now settled on moving her to Houston Hospice on Holcombe in the morning. This too, has been a journey of twists and turns that would make a good t.v. mini-series, but in the end, we came to the decision that we feel is best. We do not have a time-line at this point, but we rest assured that this will afford the greatest amount of encouragement and comfort for Cindy. I have been here for three days, soon three nights with a somewhat demanding schedule, limited sleep, emotional decisions and huge blocks of waiting-- but the food has been good and the company outstanding. We have had chances to share the gospel in a variety of ways with patients and their families as well as the medical staff. Beverly Terrell made quite an effort today to come and see Cindy, that may not mean anything to some of you, but others will understand the significance. Cindy was so overwhelmed and their reunion must be a taste of what heaven will be like. What a blessing, not only for them, but for all of us who were allowed to see it. Thank you again for the notes of encouragement, for the effort to provide for our every need and the unceasing prayer that surrounds us. We are walking one of the most privileged roads a person can walk. I know there will be many hard days to come, but at this point, our path is more blessed that you would suspect. It is perhaps confusing to understand, but we are filled with buckets of tears and buckets of joy at the same time.
This is a path I would have never chosen, expected or volunteered for, but it is a path I am grateful for and blessed to walk. I know I have only a taste of what the apostle Paul understood and felt, but here is another scripture that those who know me well will recognize as one of my favorites:
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:7-14(italics mine)
Tucked away in the middle of this passage are three things Paul personally recognized would help him acheive his goal--they are: to know Him, the power of His resurrection, and the chance to share in suffering.
This is one of the lessons we are learning through this experience. Thank you for being part of our journey and for your continued interest in us. We are surrounded by the love of God and the love of God's family.
This is a path I would have never chosen, expected or volunteered for, but it is a path I am grateful for and blessed to walk. I know I have only a taste of what the apostle Paul understood and felt, but here is another scripture that those who know me well will recognize as one of my favorites:
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:7-14(italics mine)
Tucked away in the middle of this passage are three things Paul personally recognized would help him acheive his goal--they are: to know Him, the power of His resurrection, and the chance to share in suffering.
This is one of the lessons we are learning through this experience. Thank you for being part of our journey and for your continued interest in us. We are surrounded by the love of God and the love of God's family.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Houston: Day 6
I don't even know the right way to say all of this so please excuse me if this post is hard to follow. Gigi began throwing up again late last night. They got things under control overnight but she had more episodes this morning. A few endoscopies were done and they have shown that there's not anything left to do. The doctors have told Wes its not likely that she will make it through the day.
Wes & Gigi are still staying strong but I know that his news must be heartbreaking for them. It hasn't really hit me yet. The other kids are still in a somewhat state of shock and I don't think its sunken in yet for any of us. There's more I want to say but my mind is in a fog.
Please keep us in your prayers as today will be difficult, life-changing, and a day we will probably never forget.
4:00 pm: I'm a little late on my news but here's the latest update from Wes' facebook.
Wes & Gigi are still staying strong but I know that his news must be heartbreaking for them. It hasn't really hit me yet. The other kids are still in a somewhat state of shock and I don't think its sunken in yet for any of us. There's more I want to say but my mind is in a fog.
Please keep us in your prayers as today will be difficult, life-changing, and a day we will probably never forget.
4:00 pm: I'm a little late on my news but here's the latest update from Wes' facebook.
Okay, today will probably be Cindy's last day on earth. I don't have words to tell you how much I love her and how proud I am of her. God has blessed us with so many blessings, stories and adventures. In our living room there is a sign that sums up our lives together; it simply says, "Forever, For Always, No Matter What." Today is part of the . . ."No Matter What." Once again we are drawn to scripture, and I think Cindy would give this as her testimony today. " For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.
I know that sometime later today, I will post that she is gone, and I have no idea how empty that will make me fill. Thank you all for living through this chapter of our lives with us. I will probably need you more in the days to come, than these days, but don't grieve for Cindy--she will not be here. . .and that brings me joy. As she says, "God is good all the time and all the time God is good." Cindy is soon to receive the greatest promotion and commendation of her life. She will have a better home, a better family, a better body, and a better inheritance. Thank you again for your love for her and for my family. We are blessed. Wes
9:00 pm: Gigi is still holding on. Wes has decided to keep her intubated and pretty strongly sedated. She can't talk but she can write notes and spell out letters on a hand. The way they have her set up will make for an easier passing and keep her as comfortable as possible up to that point. Nicole has flown back down to Houston to be there. I'm not sure what friends are left but I know that there have been more visitors throughout the day to share their love with Gigi for the last time. I hear that there are doctors who are amazed by the outpouring of love that our family is being given. They said they rarely see this amount of visitors to a patient and such a strong family. That just shows, once again, what an awesome couple Wes & Cindy are. I'm so incredibly blessed to be in their family.
Here's the latest post from Wes:
I know that sometime later today, I will post that she is gone, and I have no idea how empty that will make me fill. Thank you all for living through this chapter of our lives with us. I will probably need you more in the days to come, than these days, but don't grieve for Cindy--she will not be here. . .and that brings me joy. As she says, "God is good all the time and all the time God is good." Cindy is soon to receive the greatest promotion and commendation of her life. She will have a better home, a better family, a better body, and a better inheritance. Thank you again for your love for her and for my family. We are blessed. Wes
9:00 pm: Gigi is still holding on. Wes has decided to keep her intubated and pretty strongly sedated. She can't talk but she can write notes and spell out letters on a hand. The way they have her set up will make for an easier passing and keep her as comfortable as possible up to that point. Nicole has flown back down to Houston to be there. I'm not sure what friends are left but I know that there have been more visitors throughout the day to share their love with Gigi for the last time. I hear that there are doctors who are amazed by the outpouring of love that our family is being given. They said they rarely see this amount of visitors to a patient and such a strong family. That just shows, once again, what an awesome couple Wes & Cindy are. I'm so incredibly blessed to be in their family.
Here's the latest post from Wes:
Cindy is still holding on. We have chosen to make her as comfortable as possible, so she has a stomach tube and a breathing tube. This will probably lengthen the process by a little, but it will make for considerably less drama. Carol Bruntz takes care of putting interesting little messages on our church sign, and not too long ago had one that said something like, "Friendship divides sorrow and multiplies joy." Thank you for bearing much of our burden during this time. I continue to read your posts to Cindy and it brings such joy to her heart. If you have a "remember when. . ." event that involves her and is not to long, please send it. It's a lot of fun to see her smile. You can post it for everyone or send us a private message, thanks for loving us. Wes
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Houston: Day 5
I'm still titling my posts with "Houston" since Gigi is still there but I'm no longer there. Sorry my posts have been absent in the last 24 hours or so. I was too drained after we left Houston and Jonathan and I spent the night in Ft. Worth with my sister so we were just trying to take a break from it all. Let's start with some encouraging updates. Gigi has been moved to her own room as of late afternoon yesterday. We were really hoping for this so that she could get better rest and visitors could see her a little more freely. She had a few people visit her yesterday and her best friend from Odessa also flew in to be with her. Nicole, Jennifer, & Jennifer Gail were all left in town as well so I'm sure there was a crazy & fun gathering of people.
When we left Gigi was really in great spirits. She looked a lot better than she had the day before. (Friday) She was able to talk a little better and was attempting to eat; I say attempting because its hospital food so its not the best food so there wasn't much motivation to eat! She was being her normal, silly self. We had tender moments and we had goofy moments. I hope that isn't going to be my last interaction with her but if it is I know that it was the perfect ending to have with her.
From what I hear, today is still going well for her. Last night she had a hard time getting rest because she was so uncomfortable but she will be getting a sleeping pill tonight so hopefully she can sleep better. She still has some visitors so she's still having a blast. I know it sounds a little weird to say that Gigi is in such a fragile state health wise and yet we are all sitting around with her laughing and having a good time. If you really know her then you know how much that means to her, and really that if you are around her you are guaranteed a laugh at some point. She is a naturally happy person who is rarely in a bad mood so its just natural that she still has a great & contagious spirit.
All of the kids are gone from Houston. As I type, Jonathan & I are less than an hour outside of Lubbock. Nicole & her bunch are still en route to El Paso. Daniel & Jessie had some car trouble last night but I think they are on their way again. Jennifer & Oscar should be back in Arkansas by now. Leaving has been really difficult & awkward for all of us. Re-entering the "real world" is tough. When we were in Houston we had each other's support & we all understood everyone's different ways of coping. Back in the real world other people don't know how to ask how things are without making us emotional. We don't know how to answer when people say, "How's your mom doing?" If you've ever been in a similar situation then I'm sure you can sympathize and understand where we are coming from. Please continue to pray for us that we are able to deal with these different things and still keep a happy spirit like Gigi's.
Tomorrow a team of doctors are supposed to meet to review her case and see what's the best thing for her. We hope that she can make it back to El Paso at some point but we just want what is best for her. I'll continue to post more as I hear updates.
Some pictures Wes posted on his facebook
. The top is when Gigi first got her own room. The bottom is her friend putting some jewelry on her- she knows her best friend! Gigi is rarely seen without some kind of jewelry on!
Update: 10:00 pm (CST): Things took a scary turn again. Here's a word from Wes.
We have had two wonderful days of memories, laughs and tears. Tonight is mostly tears, as Cindy has had another episode of throwing up well over a liter of blood and she continues to bleed. They believe they will be able to stabalize her for the evening, but the prospect for the future is really limited. Please pray for us, we will probably make it through this episode and through the night--hopefully to a consult tomorrow. We still may be able to buy some time, but this will probably not go away. We will have to have some hard conversations tonight and I don't know how to sort out all that I am feeling, but I love her and she needs me now, and I am going to spend this time with her--praying, crying, laughing, planning and thanking God for 28 years of unexpected extra time.
When we left Gigi was really in great spirits. She looked a lot better than she had the day before. (Friday) She was able to talk a little better and was attempting to eat; I say attempting because its hospital food so its not the best food so there wasn't much motivation to eat! She was being her normal, silly self. We had tender moments and we had goofy moments. I hope that isn't going to be my last interaction with her but if it is I know that it was the perfect ending to have with her.
From what I hear, today is still going well for her. Last night she had a hard time getting rest because she was so uncomfortable but she will be getting a sleeping pill tonight so hopefully she can sleep better. She still has some visitors so she's still having a blast. I know it sounds a little weird to say that Gigi is in such a fragile state health wise and yet we are all sitting around with her laughing and having a good time. If you really know her then you know how much that means to her, and really that if you are around her you are guaranteed a laugh at some point. She is a naturally happy person who is rarely in a bad mood so its just natural that she still has a great & contagious spirit.
All of the kids are gone from Houston. As I type, Jonathan & I are less than an hour outside of Lubbock. Nicole & her bunch are still en route to El Paso. Daniel & Jessie had some car trouble last night but I think they are on their way again. Jennifer & Oscar should be back in Arkansas by now. Leaving has been really difficult & awkward for all of us. Re-entering the "real world" is tough. When we were in Houston we had each other's support & we all understood everyone's different ways of coping. Back in the real world other people don't know how to ask how things are without making us emotional. We don't know how to answer when people say, "How's your mom doing?" If you've ever been in a similar situation then I'm sure you can sympathize and understand where we are coming from. Please continue to pray for us that we are able to deal with these different things and still keep a happy spirit like Gigi's.
Tomorrow a team of doctors are supposed to meet to review her case and see what's the best thing for her. We hope that she can make it back to El Paso at some point but we just want what is best for her. I'll continue to post more as I hear updates.
. The top is when Gigi first got her own room. The bottom is her friend putting some jewelry on her- she knows her best friend! Gigi is rarely seen without some kind of jewelry on!Update: 10:00 pm (CST): Things took a scary turn again. Here's a word from Wes.
We have had two wonderful days of memories, laughs and tears. Tonight is mostly tears, as Cindy has had another episode of throwing up well over a liter of blood and she continues to bleed. They believe they will be able to stabalize her for the evening, but the prospect for the future is really limited. Please pray for us, we will probably make it through this episode and through the night--hopefully to a consult tomorrow. We still may be able to buy some time, but this will probably not go away. We will have to have some hard conversations tonight and I don't know how to sort out all that I am feeling, but I love her and she needs me now, and I am going to spend this time with her--praying, crying, laughing, planning and thanking God for 28 years of unexpected extra time.
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